If you women didn’t have nice wobbly bits and other interesting anatomical features, we men would have got rid of you a long time ago. You are so infuriating, emotional, illogical, hypocritical, attention-seeking and neurotic it is almost enough to drive any straight man to gay love. However, gay men are unfortunately not immune to your insane and inexplicable ways either.
London women are the worst variety of modern, sophisticated yet totally-mixed up ladies. Whether as a friend or partner, you bring us men to the brink of despair on a daily basis. Examine the evidence and you will see this to be true. You want equality but don’t actually, as you want men to pay for you and then carry/fix stuff. You want equality when it suits you and inequality when it works in your favour.
It is also not possible for you to be wrong. Even when you are, men get the blame for you being wrong as we have not understood your myriad of dramas that caused it.
You talk incessantly about yourself and demand we listen, concentrate and be non-judgmental, but of course you’re not self-absorbed!
You want to know about us too, just as soon as you’ve finished talking about yourself. You detest people gossiping about you and will hate other females for doing it about others, but will happily tell us all the secret and tawdry activities your friends and colleagues are getting up to. But how dare anyone accuse you of being indiscreet or untrustworthy? You did ask us not to tell anyone before you told us, of course!
You cannot remember what you did yesterday but can recall the insensitive comment we allegedly made three years ago! You never seem to be completely happy or content and there is always something wrong that needs to be changed or fixed. You cannot let it be.
You also have the most ridiculous way of organising your social calendar. Booking an appointment with you is like making a bet, with normal odds of 3-1 about it happening at the time/place originally agreed.
Face it, women, you are a rubbish gender. You are nearly as bad as men! Be grateful for your wobbly bits.
- A Complaint about Vagisil (jakemcmillan.wordpress.com)