Advice for Single Ladies

by Jake McMillan

Are you a single lady? If so, you might like reading some advice for single ladies produced, I think, in the 1950s in the US. Advice such as:

DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH, as a man expects you to keep your dignity all evening. Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.

Read more of these on the Bounce Off website.

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Related Posts:
Bad Things to Say on a First Date
A New Low in Ridiculous Things to Say on a Date
10 Things NOT to do on a First Date
Getting the Girl to Pay for Dinner

Whatever happened to Pip Pickles?

(Dealing with inconsiderate potential flatmates)

I’ve recently had to look for a new flatmate and it is such a royal pain in the arse. What has struck me this time is the utter lack of courtesy and consideration of people.

People like Pip Pickles.

I was very much looking forward to meeting Pip Pickles and thought it would be very cool to have a flatmate whose name sounded like she was the girlfriend of a superhero. However, I never got to meet Miss Pickles.

Pip, like many others who had responded to our advert, had written a nice email and seemed to be very much the nice reliable and fun flatmate we were looking for.

We agreed an appointment for her to come and visit in a few evenings’ time. The day before she was due, we sent her a nice reminder email saying we were looking forward to meeting her at the allotted time and to email/text if she was unable to make it.

Did Pip Pickles respond? Nope. Nothing. Nada. It was very annoying as if we’d known she wasn’t coming we could have got someone else to come along or even made other plans.

Pathetically poor Pip Pickles properly pissed people in my pad off, particularly. Can you say that 3 times in a row real fast?

Pip was not the only one to be discourteous in this way, I must stress, before her marvel comic sweetness is completely ruined. On one evening we had 6 confirmed appointments and only one person showed up!

Some just didn’t get in touch at all or others texted 15mins after they were due to say something had come up but said nothing about wanting to reschedule?

If you make an appointment with someone then it is basic common courtesy to let them know as soon as possible (beforehand!) you are unable to make it. No contact at all is just plain disrespectful.

So, it is probably good I didn’t meet Pip Pickles as I wouldn’t want to live with someone who was like that. However, I wouldn’t have minded meeting her superhero boyfriend. Not in a gay way, it would just be cool to meet a superhero in a social setting.

Had a haircut?

Regular readers of this blog will know I am not a big fan of getting my haircut. It is not just the actual process of going to the hairdressers that I hate, but the inevitable inane, annoying and downright dumb comments that people say when they notice your hair looks different.

The reason I find this annoying is that the person usually spots your hair and rather than just waiting a second to process what they’ve seen, they blurt out something stupid or redundant. People will say things such as:

“You’ve had a haircut” – this is, in fact, a statement but is said in a way that the person saying it wants you to respond. When you answer a simple “Yes”, they then seem to struggle with what to say next?

Sometimes people just say “Haircut?” as if this is an acceptable question?

If people just took that second longer to think about what they have seen before speaking, they could come up with a more socially proficient comment such as “I like your hair/Your hair is looking good, have you had it cut recently?”, “Have you changed your hairstyle?”

To combat these comments, I use some of the following responses to prevent me from wanting to harm the person who spoke them.

Statement	My Response (to be said dryly with a hint of derision)
“Had a haircut?”	“Yes, many times in my life”.
“Have a haircut?”	“No thanks, I’ve just had one”
“You’ve had a haircut”	“You’re wearing clothes” [then when they look confused], “Oh, I am sorry; I thought we were just making obvious statements about each other?”
“Haircut?”	“I actually prefer people to call me Jake rather than Herr Kutt … as that is not my name and I’m not German”
“I like your hair”	“Thanks, I grew it myself”

Do you know the unwritten rules of modern communication?

With the proliferation of communication mechanisms in the last 20 years you will have noticed and conformed to as well broken the unwritten etiquette of modern communication.

For example, if someone communicates to you using a certain form of communication, e.g. Email, then you are expected to respond using the same form of communication or something higher up on the hierarchy.

The communication hierarchy is as follows:

Do people still write letters?!

If you respond with a lower form of communication, e.g. one person calls and leaves a voicemail and the other emails back, then the first person might feel snubbed, but it will depend, of course, on the nature/content of the message.

However, the communication hierarchy has an almost inverse correlation to the unwritten social convention of how quickly you are meant to respond to the various forms of communication without seeming rude.

The following table outlines the amount of time with which you are meant to respond to a general ‘how are you doing?’ contact:

Type of Contact	Acceptable Response Time
SMS/Text Message	Within 24hrs
Missed Call (with Voicemail)	Within 2 days
Missed Call (No Voicemail)	Within 6 days
Email	Within 5 days
Letter	Within a month
IM Message	No response actually required

These response times can be considerably reduced depending on who is communicating to you and the nature of the communication, for example, if it is your partner, your boss or your mum!

Normally we instinctively know these rules but we all occasionally get them wrong, or some have different views of what the rules are, and then we end up offending someone.

Some people prefer to use certain forms of communication, e.g. my mate Alex always calls and practically never texts, where another Kim always texts and never calls.

We all know people who are particularly poor at responding to any sort of messages. I have one friend like this, but they do it to everyone so some think this is okay. I don’t. I think not responding to a communication shows lack of consideration and respect.

It doesn’t matter how busy you are everyone can spare the few seconds it takes to email or text a friend ‘Hey, how’s it going? Super busy at the moment but will be in touch in a few weeks’.

We have all been offended by someone else’s poor communication, but do we have a right to be upset with them if the rules are unwritten?

Why do Couples get to have a Bed?

A friend pointed out the other day the great injustice that takes place when you go to a house party of a friend. I hadn’t really noticed before, but it is so true that couples have always ‘bagged’ one of the beds whereas single people get to sleep on the sofa or on the floor?!

This is a double whammy against singletons. Not only do they sleep alone again, but they have to sleep somewhere uncomfortable. Is it not a bit selfish of couples to take the beds? They get to sleep with someone every night of the year. Surely, for one night they can rough it somewhere and let the single people take the beds?

Come on couples, do the decent thing and be kind to your single friends, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

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Jake McMillan