Advice for Single Ladies

by Jake McMillan

Are you a single lady? If so, you might like reading some advice for single ladies produced, I think, in the 1950s in the US. Advice such as:

DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH, as a man expects you to keep your dignity all evening. Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.

Read more of these on the Bounce Off website.

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Related Posts:
Bad Things to Say on a First Date
A New Low in Ridiculous Things to Say on a Date
10 Things NOT to do on a First Date
Getting the Girl to Pay for Dinner

Dishwashing Idiots

My two female flatmates are idiots who do not know how to load the dishwasher.

They seem to be under the impression that inside the dishwasher are hundreds of tiny people who will scrub clean the contents no matter how it is put in or whatever food is left on it? Here are some examples (yes, I’ve been that annoyed I took photos):

Bad Dishwasher Loading

Numbers 1, 2 and 6 above are examples where the mug or glass has no chance of being washed as there is something underneath it preventing water to get inside.

6 Dishwasher Errors

In fairness, I suspect a couple of glasses may have fallen down, but this should have been anticipated.

Why?!

However, searching on the internet, I discovered there are others that do far worse with their dishwasher:

 

 

Top 5 Ways to Start an Argument

by Jake McMillan

1. Contradiction
If you contradict whatever the other person says, you will naturally cause an argument. Or will you? (see below)

2. Go travelling with someone
The intense pressure of being with someone 24/7 and having to find your way in an alien environment will lead to an argument sooner or later.

3. Give someone the silent treatment
This passive aggressive move will infuriate the person into an argument.

4. Blame people when things don’t go right
Passing on blame is guaranteed to annoy people and make them defensive.

5. Just talk to a woman for long enough
If you talk to a woman it is only a matter of time before it will become an argument. Disagree? See, I told you it would create an argument.

Can I date Santa?

by Jake MCMILLAN 

The advantages and disadvantages of dating Santa:

Pros

• He will always get you presents
• He only works one day a year
• Looks great in red
• Has own transport
• Likes kids and animals
• He lets you sit on his knee

Cons

• He’ll only give you presents if you’ve been good
• He eats a lot and is not in good shape
• He possibly has an unhealthy attachment to Reindeers and Elves
• Sleighs draw too much attention and are not easy to park
• Technically, he’s unemployed
• Has huge bushy white beard
• Only wears one outfit
• He’s not really around on Xmas Day
• Santa is anagram of satan

A New Low in Ridiculous things to say on a Date

by Jake McMillan

Last week I reached a new low in ridiculous things to say on a date. If you’re unaware of my skill (or lack of it) in this area, then please read here for some examples of really quite stupid things I have said in the past.

On a date last week, for a reason I still do not understand, I raised the topic of the inadequacy of tampons and the lack of development in tampon technology over the years. Why hadn’t they invented something better that women could just shove up there for a week and forget about?

Using a parallel of a tape worm that sits inside the stomach and eats up food, I suggested that they develop a worm that a woman can put up her which laps up her period (and yes I did use the term ‘laps up’).

I don’t think I’ve seen someone look quite so appalled. I did argue there are fishes that eat dead skin, but the damage had been done.