Why Do I Have So Many Female Friends?

by Jake McMillan

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I get asked this question a lot! Just because I’m a bloke, I’m heterosexual and happen to have a lot of women friends (men friends too), many people (both male and female) think this is a bit odd? I never realised that there was supposed to be an optimum ratio of female to male friends?

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My answer to this question is normally that I have a number of close friends; their gender is irrelevant to me. Unfortunately, this somewhat smart-arse and self-righteous answer never suffices. Read the further arguments and discussion points on the Bounce Off dating and relationship website I co-author with my friend Risa.

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Related Posts:

Can Men and Women Really be Friends?

Women Hog the Hug!

Women with OCD – Obsessive Cushion Disorder

Top 5 Buddy Movies

by Jake McMillan

Here are 5 movies that not only epitomise friendship, but are better films because of the chemistry of the buddy relationship.

1. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Paul Newman and Robert Redford are simply superb as amiable bank-robbers Butch and Sundance portraying a very real and genuine friendship.

The nature of their conversation whilst surrounded by the Bolivian Army and facing almost certain death reveals their friendship:

2. Lethal Weapon 2
Mel Gibson and Danny Glover sizzle as the odd pairing of cops, Riggs crazy and out of control and Murtaugh the careful good family man who is about to retire.

3. Superbad
Jonah Hill and Michael Cera as best friends Seth and Evan, but are about to head off to different colleges.

4. Hear No Evil, See No Evil
Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor are at their very comedic best as a deaf guy and a blind guy who get inadvertently involved witnessing a murder and have the killers chasing them.

5. Bad Boys
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are cops that don’t initially see eye to eye, but become best buds.

The 24hrs Rule

It’s a rule that didn’t exist 10 years ago, but now the 24hrs rule, although an unwritten rule, governs our etiquette regarding email, SMS text messaging and phone calls. Unless you are ill, on holiday or unexpectedly put in prison, you are meant to reply to this type of electronic message, to a friend or colleague, within 24hrs, anything longer and it is considered rude and an apology would be expected with the message.

Before the predominance of the internet and mobile phones, communication was limited to old fashioned landline telephone calls and snail mail. Now that we carry around electronic devices on our person and engage in social networking several times a day, we fully expect a response to our message within a reasonable time frame, which is no more than 24hours.

If a message goes over 24hrs without a response, then we get very annoyed as it is disrespectful to behave in such an impolite way. Even as the 24hrs barrier approaches we start to get annoyed that the person dares to get close to a contemptible reply time.

We are increasingly becoming more and more impatient and the 24hr rule is starting to become socially unacceptable for text messages and that a response within 12hrs (inclusive of sleep time) is expected. A good friend of mine was even upset the other day that I took 6hrs to reply to her text message and I was ill at the time!

It’s only in the dating arena, as per my previous blog post, where communication is acceptable over the 24hrs period otherwise it seems too keen. More and more we have to communicate with people over different mediums, but also be conscious of how quickly and often we do it. We also learn whether our friends are more responsive to a particular form of communication, some prefer texts, other emails and some even (can you believe it?) actually prefer talking on the phone!

I’m quite happy with the 24hrs rule but I worry that we are moving towards a world where instant responses are required. I am not a fan of that and that is why I don’t log into instant messaging systems unless I have arranged to chat to somebody.

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Jake McMillan

Related articles

• The Text Message Era (mycricket.com)
• Americans and Text Messaging – Pew Research Center (policyabcs.wordpress.com)

Wise Words #2: Friendships

On very rare occasions I utter something that sounds like it could be wise, but may just be jibberish?

“Maintaining friends is like juggling many balls at the same time, so don’t get too upset if you’re a ball that gets dropped from time to time”

Jake McMillan

What’s wrong with buying a female friend a dildo?

We’re well into the 21^st century and I live in a post-feminist London, one of the most modern and progressive cities in the world, but apparently it is “weird” for a bloke to buy a plutonic female friend a vibrator, but it is fine if a female friend buys one for her. Let me run through the exact situation and you can make up your own mind.

This female friend, let’s call her Faloola, is a close and genuinely platonic friend and she feels very comfortable and open about sharing intimate details about her sex life and bodily functions with me. She even thinks it is funny to call me whilst on the loo! She has revealed she does not masturbate and is not really into that. A female friend had bought her a vibrator earlier in the year but she threw it away.

Faloola is fun and good company, but is prone to negativity about pretty much everything in her life and so I came up with a plan for her centred around getting more endorphins. Firstly, she was to start doing more exercise, secondly, have some chocolate and thirdly, well, I think you can guess what the third part of the plan was about.

She wasn’t so keen on the third part as she has never done that before but I did a quick search and found this vibrator starter kit for women who are new to it and/or feel uncomfortable about using a vibrator. I told her she had a surprise coming in the post and that she probably wouldn’t like it, but to call me when she opened it so I could explain its purpose.

If this had come from a female friend it would have been considered a thoughtful and well-intended gift, but because I have dangly bits between my legs it is considered “weird” and “wrong”.  One female friend who is a feminist and generally forward thinking even said that she felt it was wrong but could not explain why.

So what did Faloola actually think about it? Unfortunately, she didn’t call me when she received it and later said she felt slightly insulted that I thought she needed one (as she’s single), but did understand the good intention. Although other female friends think it is weird for me to have done it, they definitely want her to use it. What is your view?

Jake McMillan