Since the moment god invented boobs, men have come up with many different ways of categorising women and different types of girlfriend. This ongoing futile activity takes place due to man’s ever optimistic hope of trying to understand women. If you can categorise them, then you can begin to understand them and find strategies for an easy life.
In the history of relationships, no man has yet discovered the sacred path to the promised land where day after day he can happily go about his day without fear of criticism or dealing with emotional outbursts, discussions about what he is thinking, having to apologise for something he apparently did or didn’t do and generally having to work hard to keep the woman from going nuclear.
One common example of categorisation that men in their limited wisdom have proffered, in a number of variations, is around sanity, with women falling into one of the four following types:
1) Insane
2) Very Insane
c) In a mental institution
4) Should be in a mental institution or has escaped from one
Although accurate, this categorisation has not helped in our quest to understand the female human. Regular readers of this blog will already know that I have a fascination with all things toilet related and have privately discussed with other male humans the differences in the way girlfriends and fecund (yeah, it’s a proper word and everything) humans I frequent with approach their toilet visits.
It is at this juncture I would like to present American Robbie Sherrard, who has independently come up with a well observed and analysed categorisation of girlfriends based on their bathroom habits. He has defined three clear different types of girlfriend which he explains articulately and eloquently, although in American, in the video below.
I would like to thank Robbie for this analysis, as if I were to draw a table with the three types, I would be able to very easily put all the non-males I know into their appropriate category. Do you know which category your girlfriend/partner fits into? Are you a girlfriend (not necessarily one of mine) reading this? If so, do you know which category your are?
Now, the next step is for us men to use this analysis to help understand the woman. The quest continues.
It’s a rule that didn’t exist 10 years ago, but now the 24hrs rule, although an unwritten rule, governs our etiquette regarding email, SMS text messaging and phone calls. Unless you are ill, on holiday or unexpectedly put in prison, you are meant to reply to this type of electronic message, to a friend or colleague, within 24hrs, anything longer and it is considered rude and an apology would be expected with the message.
Before the predominance of the internet and mobile phones, communication was limited to old fashioned landline telephone calls and snail mail. Now that we carry around electronic devices on our person and engage in social networking several times a day, we fully expect a response to our message within a reasonable time frame, which is no more than 24hours.
If a message goes over 24hrs without a response, then we get very annoyed as it is disrespectful to behave in such an impolite way. Even as the 24hrs barrier approaches we start to get annoyed that the person dares to get close to a contemptible reply time.
We are increasingly becoming more and more impatient and the 24hr rule is starting to become socially unacceptable for text messages and that a response within 12hrs (inclusive of sleep time) is expected. A good friend of mine was even upset the other day that I took 6hrs to reply to her text message and I was ill at the time!
It’s only in the dating arena, as per my previous blog post, where communication is acceptable over the 24hrs period otherwise it seems too keen. More and more we have to communicate with people over different mediums, but also be conscious of how quickly and often we do it. We also learn whether our friends are more responsive to a particular form of communication, some prefer texts, other emails and some even (can you believe it?) actually prefer talking on the phone!
I’m quite happy with the 24hrs rule but I worry that we are moving towards a world where instant responses are required. I am not a fan of that and that is why I don’t log into instant messaging systems unless I have arranged to chat to somebody.
Okay here’s the thing, I’m 33 years of age and met this lovely French lady (let’s call her ‘V’) who has agreed to meet me for a date BUT she’s only 20 years old. My friends are divided as to whether I am too old for her or not. She doesn’t know how old I am and several friends suggest strongly I should lie about this. She is going back to France in a couple of months anyway, we’re both adults and it is likely only ever going to be a bit of fun, so what’s the harm?
If 20 years old is too young for me, then what is the lowest age that is acceptable for me? Does it not depend on the person rather than just the age? For example, I have one female friend well into her 30s who is far less emotionally mature than women I know in their early 20s. If V is mature and is happy with the situation, then what is the problem?
Apparently they say, whoever ‘they’ are, that the rule for adults on how low you can go is that you halve your age and add 7. Therefore, at 33, the lowest age I could date is 23.
Friends say that if you want anything long term then it is doomed if there is too much of an age gap. However, there are lots of examples where this isn’t the case. Jonathan Ross is 10 years older than his wife Jane and first started dating her when she was 16. Jerry Lee Lewis married a 13 year old (he was 22) and Michael Douglas is 25 years older than Catherine Zeta Jones. Some people seem to really be against such large age gaps, particularly when the woman is the older party, but then others say when it comes to love, age means nothing.
Will I lie about my age though? Yes, I probably will and have already thought to say 27, but to a 20 year old this is still quite old. Anyone over 25 is old at that age! The reason I expect I will lie is not because I want to deliberately or maliciously deceive her, but because I expect that even if she does like me then there is a chance she will think 33 is just too old.
However, a lie is a lie and if I say I am 27 then I am not giving her the free choice to decide for herself. My flatmate went out with a much older guy when she was 20 and he was 36. They had been going out months before he told her his true age and although she was very shocked they stayed together for a couple of years.
So, I am not pushing for the date to happen and have left the ball in her court as she has my number and needs to contact me to confirm arrangements, but will definitely go if she calls. However, am not sure whether to lie or just maybe avoid the subject completely???
I know I’m going to really upset both men and women by saying this, but if a woman wants to have a relationship with a guy then she should not have sex with him on the first night. I’m not religious in any way and firmly believe in the equality of the sexes, but I think there is still an inequality when it comes to sex and I am sorry to say that men are completely to blame.
Even in the 21st century, rightly or wrongly, men will still judge a woman for going all the way on a first date, even if they are the ones pushing for it to happen. I’m sure lots of men would say they disagree, but even the most liberal man will consciously or subconsciously think less of a woman for doing the humpity bumpity on the first encounter.
It does all depend on the situation and if the woman is just seeking fun then there is no harm at all, but if seeking fun but also kind of hoping this could be something special, then a man, even the good ones, will be less likely to view the woman as a long term potential if she is all too ready for a game of bury the sausage.
This is, of course, completely unfair as it seems okay for men to be proud of their sexual conquests and promiscuity whereas women are judged as being sluts for acting in the same way as it is not ‘lady’ like. I’ve even found myself occasionally judging or feeling disappointed in female friends for getting up to sexy shenanigans with guys they had just met that night, but yet if it was a male friend I would think he’s done well. I’m sure I am not the only guy to think like that.
So ‘ladies’, men are rubbish (I think you knew this already) and have double standards in this area, but don’t let us stop you having your deserved fun. However, if it’s a guy that you think might be a long term potential, then maybe wait a little bit just to be on the safe side. The character Doris from TV’s ‘Gavin & Stacey’ perhaps said it best when advising Stacey on how far to go on the first date, “A kiss, a cuddle, a cheeky finger… just don’t go selling him the whole farm”.
