Timing the 2nd Date Request


You’ve had that great date, or met someone cool at a party or a club. You felt a good connection and definitely want to see them again – but when do you send that text message to propose a follow-up get together?

Too soon and you will be seen as too eager and desperate, whereas if you leave it too long they will think you’re not interested or someone who is probably just after a shag. Why do we play this silly game in which the timing of the message seems to be more important than the content?

We have no rule book explaining when it is the right time to communicate, and this leads to incessant analysis of how interested the other person really is, based on the timing of their SMS message. If I had a pound for every time a female friend has asked my opinion in the last few months on whether a guy is really interested based on a text message received, I would be able to afford an iPhone.

 

In particular, why is it such a social no-no to text someone straight away if a date has gone well? Of course, texting several times will make you seem like a stalker, but a single message conveying that you had a great time and would like to meet up again is seen as “too keen” if it is sent within 24 hours. Yet, it seems it would be cherished after 48 hours.

My female friends apparently think that men are rubbish at texting, and find it very difficult to interpret the guy’s interest in them. They are turned off by over-keenness and confused by delayed messages, particularly from guys they are really keen on. Women think more carefully about their communications, whereas men are much simpler in their approach. It is our simplicity that confuses the hell out of women and it is women’s complexity that confuses us men folk.

It’s really, really easy, ladies – if a guy hasn’t contacted you within three days, then he just isn’t that into  you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like  you or doesn’t want to meet you again, he just hasn’t felt that super connection or desire. No excuses can hide the fact that if a guy really likes you he will want to get in touch again straight away.

It is only the fear of being seen as desperate that will cause us to wait to communicate. But why should we wait?

Jake McMillan



One response to “Timing the 2nd Date Request

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