Huge apologies in advance for the trivial nature of this posting, especially with all the serious problems the world is facing at the moment, but I would like to bring to your attention a new form of profiling based on how you wipe your bottom! I know, I know, this sounds ridiculous, but did you realise that how you buff your behind is different to other people and that your method could reveal something about your personality?
This revelation in differing posterior polishing methods occurred whilst out drinking with an Australian lady. From nowhere she asked me, “Do you scrunch or fold?” I had absolutely no idea what she meant. She explained that people either folded the toilet paper or scrunched it before applying it to their dirty derriere.
After some polling and the setting up of a Facebook group, I discovered this was true with nearly a 50:50 split amongst friends and colleagues. The neat, sensible and more cautious tended to (not always) be Folders and the lazy and carefree tended to be Scrunchers. Both argue that their method achieves better access and is a softer feel. However, Scrunchers suggest their method is quicker, more efficient and keeps their hands further from the ‘danger zone’, whereas Folders believe Scrunchers are not able to clean as thoroughly.
Another drunken party, this time with no Australians present, but with a large proportion who had been there(!), revealed that there is another division of people: those who stand and those who sit during a crevice cleansing session. Sitters lean to one side to gain access whereas Standers actually get up off the seat to sanitize their sphincter. Standers think sitting and leaning is weird and cannot achieve good access, whereas Sitters think standing will lead to extra mess from squishing!
There seems to be no correlation between those who sit or stand with those who prefer to fold or scrunch. Therefore, we all fit into one of the following 4 profiles:
Folder-Sitter: You seem an open and fun person, but are also quite private and guarded
Folder-Stander: You are tidy and neat, but also quite practical and like to do things your way;
Scruncher-Stander: You have a healthy perspective on life and have a good balance of work, play and friendships as well;
Scruncher-Sitter: You are a lazy so and so, but are actually quite happy with life and a great friend and companion.
So which are you?
Do you Scrunch or Fold? (A blog dedicated to the debate)