Monthly Archives: November 2009

The 24hrs Rule


It’s a rule that didn’t exist 10 years ago, but now the 24hrs rule, although an unwritten rule, governs our etiquette regarding email, SMS text messaging and phone calls. Unless you are ill, on holiday or unexpectedly put in prison, you are meant to reply to this type of electronic message, to a friend or colleague, within 24hrs, anything longer and it is considered rude and an apology would be expected with the message.

Before the predominance of the internet and mobile phones, communication was limited to old fashioned landline telephone calls and snail mail. Now that we carry around electronic devices on our person and engage in social networking several times a day, we fully expect a response to our message within a reasonable time frame, which is no more than 24hours.

If a message goes over 24hrs without a response, then we get very annoyed as it is disrespectful to behave in such an impolite way. Even as the 24hrs barrier approaches we start to get annoyed that the person dares to get close to a contemptible reply time.

We are increasingly becoming more and more impatient and the 24hr rule is starting to become socially unacceptable for text messages and that a response within 12hrs (inclusive of sleep time) is expected. A good friend of mine was even upset the other day that I took 6hrs to reply to her text message and I was ill at the time!

It’s only in the dating arena, as per my previous blog post, where communication is acceptable over the 24hrs period otherwise it seems too keen. More and more we have to communicate with people over different mediums, but also be conscious of how quickly and often we do it. We also learn whether our friends are more responsive to a particular form of communication, some prefer texts, other emails and some even (can you believe it?) actually prefer talking on the phone!

I’m quite happy with the 24hrs rule but I worry that we are moving towards a world where instant responses are required. I am not a fan of that and that is why I don’t log into instant messaging systems unless I have arranged to chat to somebody.

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Jake McMillan


The Internet Dating Myths


by Jake McMillan

OnlineDating

It’s been around for quite a few years now and Internet Dating has become to most people a fairly acceptable way of meeting new people. Not the only way of meeting people, but just another way of meeting someone. Following some chats with both male and female friends who also partake in online dating I was surprised that they still believed some of the myths of internet dating and had not been aware of some of the cold realities of the process.

Myth:  Online dating is a place where both men and women can and will make the first move with each other

Harsh Reality: Men have to make the first move in the vast majority of cases. Women who do make the first move are ‘probably’ not that attractive.

The virtual dating world unfortunately mirrors the real world and men have to approach women and send the first message. Men who do not bother and just sit back and wait for interest in them will not, unless they are Brad Pitt, get much attention and if or when they do, it will not be from hot chicks.

Hot chicks need only to create their account and wait for the messages from eager men and pick the best ones to reply to. Average-looking women may need to ‘wink’ (or equivalent function) to get a guy’s attention and make it clear they are receptive to a message from them. Minging women need to make more of an effort online and send messages. Whereas all men, minging or otherwise, have to make the effort.

Myth:  Online dating is a quick and easy way to meet great new people

Harsh Reality: It actually takes up a lot of your time, especially if you are a bloke, as you have to play the numbers game to be successful.

You can spend ages trawling through pages of profile pictures, clicking on an individual profile to find out that the main photo was clearly taken a long time ago compared to the others. Rather than search the profile for positives, you end up searching it to see if they have things that put you off, like, for example, whether they are slim or fat, tall or short, divorced, have kids, whether they drink or not, or if they are religious and if they can write a coherent sentence? Why do so many people put up group photos when the photo is so small you cannot make out the person? Or if they do, they put up a picture where they are standing next to someone who is far more attractive? I’m always suspicious of profiles where you do not get to see their face that clearly in more than one photo.

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Myth:  Women will judge men on their witty and personal opening message

Harsh Reality: Rubbish. They may not even read it. Like men, they will judge you on your profile picture and if you don’t look too bad they may even read some of your profile and if they fancy you they will reply despite what your opening message says.

I’ve heard some women complain that the opening message from a guy seems like it has been copied and pasted or is not more of an effort than ‘How’s it going?’ The majority of the time this is probably true as men know there is absolutely no point spending ages crafting a personalised and humorous message as chances are it won’t even get read. A friend of mine had automated rejection emails from girls who hadn’t even read his message!

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Not so much a myth, but it surprises a lot of people how impolite Internet Dating can be as it seems to have its own social conventions and etiquette. For example, if you start chatting/messaging someone it is perfectly acceptable to stop communicating with them without explanation or a goodbye. Even if you meet up with someone, people will just stop communicating without having to go through the awkward, “sorry, I’m just not interested” conversation.

I’ve noticed that in London particularly, and this is probably true of other big cities, that people tend to play games more, which I really hate. It all seems rather false.

That being said I have met some really nice people through online dating, but think I may take a break from it for a while. Of late, I seem to have done better meeting people I like the old fashioned way!

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Related Posts:
The Dating Milestones
Internet First Dates
Women Asking Men Out?
Top 5 Terrible Ways to Dump Someone 


The Trauma of Stool Samples


It’s one of those things that you hope you never have to do in life, but I have twice had to give a stool sample for the doctor and they have been the most traumatic experiences of my life. Firstly, they give you a tiny sample jar, which I think is the same as the urine sample jar, which also has a little spatula built into the lid. When the Doctor gave it to me, I couldn’t hold back my horror as there is no way you can poo straight into it. So I asked her if she had any tips on how to use it? Then she had the look of horror as she was quite young and I’m pretty sure no one had asked her that before.

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The Doctor told me that the easiest method is to defecate into another receptacle and then scoop the faeces from there into the sample jar. Why do Doctors talk like that? Is there a class at medical school called ‘You can’t say shit or poo to a Patient’? The first stool I had to give was the most traumatic as I was dreading it and put it off for nearly a week (note: I did actually poo during this time, I wasn’t storing it up or anything). When providing a sample, you want to do a good poo and I figured a solid poo would be easier to deal with in an el fresco situation.

My sample kit consisted of the sample jar and the bit of cardboard that Amazon wraps DVDs in when they send them to you. They are actually ideal as you can slide them under the toilet seat and they will reach to the other side of the toilet easily without risk of falling. So all you need to do for Step 1 of the process is do a poo like you would normally. In practice, it doesn’t feel normal though, it feels really weird.

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Step 2 of the process is the most traumatic as you have to get some of the poo from your Amazon DVD cardboard to the sample jar and it makes me sick to even think about it again. The first thing that strikes you as you take a pause to mentally prepare yourself for what you need to do next, is that poo, when not in water, really does stink quite a lot. The second thing that strikes you is that the ‘handy’ spatula they provide is utterly pathetic as you push, probe and cut your own poo so it can be placed into the sample jar. I wretched several times before getting enough poo into the sample jar.

Step 3 is the disposal of the remaining poo and the Amazon DVD cardboard. The first is flushed and the second must leave your place of residence immediately!

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Step 4 is to take the sample down to your Doctor or hospital. Handy tip here is to have already written your name on the sample jar. Trust me, you don’t want to have to write it on the jar with your own shit inside! By this point you feel good as all the traumatic stuff is out of the way, but Step 4 is actually quite traumatic too, much more than you realise. You have to carry your faeces whilst walking down the street and with other people around. You can’t carry it in your hand so you put it in your pocket and you can still feel the warmth from it. Your poo is really quite warm!

If steps 1-3 weren’t shameful enough for you and you’ve managed to cope with walking down the street holding your own excrement. You then have to hand your shit over to someone else. I had to do it at the GP Surgery reception. I was called forward and the guy said hello and I said I had a sample and very sheepishly handed it over, as if I was passing him drugs, and he held up a plastic tray for me to put it into as he definitely didn’t want to touch it.

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Jake McMillan

Related Posts:
Folding Vs Scrunching
Do you talk about Poo a lot too?
Leaning Vs Standing
VOTE: Do you Scrunch or Fold? 


What exactly is a Dirty Girl?


I got into a conversation with this drunken Irish girl I met the other day (I wonder how many stories start this way?) and somehow, I am sure it was my fault, we got onto the topic of what exactly constitutes a ‘Dirty Girl’? What does a girl have to do to qualify for this moniker?

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Even though the Irish girl was really quite drunk, I must say she objected completely to the whole usage of the term ‘dirty girl’ but did have to accept that some people, mainly men, do use it. Clearly, it is somewhat of a subjective issue, but there must be some generally accepted criteria of what is or isn’t dirty for a girl. It’s different for a boy, of course, but we’ll get to that in a mo.

The dirty line seems to gravitate around anal sex. To some, a woman who does anal sex could be conceived as dirty, but to others this could be quite tame and standard. We came to an agreement that a woman who asks for anal sex is probably a Dirty Girl. We also agreed that a woman who asks you to shit in her mouth is definitely dirty.

It is slightly unfair to women that there isn’t an equivalent ‘Dirty Boy’, but if there was then the dirty line would be very different as there is an assumption that men are automatically dirty whereas women are perceived to be more pure and less experimental sexually. This is, of course, complete guff.

Dirty Girl is not always used by men as an entirely derogatory term and this way of categorising a woman is useful to us. Some men are attracted to and want to particularly meet Dirty Girls and others prefer non-Dirty. Being a Dirty Girl says nothing about your intelligence, social status or ethnicity; you could be the Queen and still be a Dirty Girl. She and Prince Phillip have been married for over 60 years and so must have done all kinds of sick and depraved stuff by now.

As an aside, and not based on personal experience I promise you, but I would be worried about actually shitting in someone’s mouth. Firstly, it is just a bit weird; Secondly, you have to think about aim/trajectory and thirdly, you want to provide a good poo for them without needing a bit of a fart and a widdle as well.

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Jake McMillan