Monthly Archives: March 2010

The Blind Date Dilemma?

I’ve been asked to go on a blind date and against my better judgement I’m thinking that I might go.

The set up is very tenuous and it has disaster written all over it. The flatmate of my friend, who I’ve only met a few times, suggested me for her work colleague’s friend who she has not even met. Worse still, this same friend is the person who set me up on my only blind date so far and that did not exactly go well.

It was about 8 years ago and my friend suggested I go on a blind date with her colleague Jennifer who I was told was half Italian and half Australian, 5ft 3inches, with beautiful red hair. I felt that my friend was a good judge of character and so I agreed to do it.

I arranged to meet her for early evening drinks and shortly before our meeting time, she calls to say she is running ten minutes late. She had a nice soft Australian accent and I started to think that maybe this could actually be good.

Ten minutes later I am standing outside the pub waiting for her to show up. For some reason, lots of women fitting her description walk past and as I try to make eye contact with them they just look at me like I’m a mentalist. Then she arrived.

You know when you meet someone, you immediately make a subconscious judgement about their appearance. For example, it could be ‘Oh yes!’, ‘Nice’, ‘Not bad’ or possibly ‘No way, never ever’. Unfortunately, Jennifer sparked the ‘no way never ever’ reaction.

The beautiful red hair was, in fact, a big ginger mess. Her face was literally plastered in makeup as she was trying to cover up her large number of freckles. There is nothing wrong with freckles, but it is slightly off-putting to see a face caked in makeup crumbling off whilst you talk to them.

I clearly didn’t fancy her, but thought this could potentially be a new friend. However, from the time it took to say hello outside the pub until we had got to the bar, she explained how much she hated London and Londoners (knowing I was from London). She then proceeded to explain how she hated black people, homosexuals and that Muslims were all liars. However, it was okay for her to say that as she told me she had Muslim friends.

An hour and a half later I said I had to leave to get to the party I was going to (this was a lie) and we said goodbye and shook hands. I wasn’t going to kiss a cheek covered in makeup, my lips would have gone white!

The next day I visited my friend who had set me up and asked why she thought I was suited to a racist homophobic bigot? My friend apologised and then told me that she had been acting weird at work as well?!

So I’ve not been a fan of blind dates since then and think the best way of setting people up is to invite them both to a social gathering of some kind and make sure they get introduced to each other. If there is chemistry, then they will get chatting on their own and if there isn’t, then you have saved them from the trauma of a blind date.

This blind date will be ridiculously awful. You now know as much about her as I do. However, because it is likely to be so terrible, that is why I am leaning towards going.

The Mojito Mile

One day, one mile, many mojitos

Often the simplest ideas are the most genius ones.

The Mojito Mile is a pub crawl of the nice bars that serve Mojitos in Clapham (South London). Nothing new about pub crawls, but the Mojito Mile somehow mixes the right balance of drinking, great venues and socialising.

Pub crawls are usually fun but can be a bit extreme. The Monopoly pub crawl (drinking in a pub on every street and station on the monopoly board) is a classic example and although is a cracking day it is also a bit hard core as you have no real time to rest. There is constant pressure to drink up as soon as possible and get travelling to the next place.


The Mojito Mile on the hand is quite leisurely with 7 bars visited over the whole day and about an hour and a half spent in each venue. The whole journey is one mile so a pace of 0.1mph is something that everyone can cope with.

Clapham (Old Town, Common & High Street) is blessed with lots of great pubs and bars and as the Mojito Mile visits the places that make good Mojitos (note: drinking Mojitos is not compulsory but Mojito Milers are encouraged to have one Mojito at some point during the day) it means you get to go to some of the very best bars in London. Bars on the Mojito Mile have included:

Lost Society (Time Out Best Bar 2006/7) –



The Loft (Time Out Best Bar 2008) –



Aquum –



64th&Social –



Grafton House –

The very best part of the day is the fact you get to socialise and chat to not only good friends but meets lots of new people. Because of the nature of the event, you end up speaking to everyone else as you venture your way down the mile.

With the 3rd Mojito Mile coming up in June 2010 it is clearly a proven recipe for success.

Have you thought about taking a Life Art Drawing Class?

A little while ago a friend suggested going to a Life Art Drawing Class and I was a little dubious for two reasons:

1)      I hadn’t done any proper drawing since school (like 20 years ago … god, I’m getting old), and even then I didn’t draw that much, unless  you include drawing a big tipex cock on James Kershaw’s folder

2)      I would be staring at a naked person for a couple of hours. Potentially looking at and drawing a naked cock for two hours and I wasn’t sure I really wanted to do that. In fact, I was 99% certain I didn’t want to draw a cock for two hours, but then I remembered the tipex cock and thought, well, okay.

We found this place near Angel (in London) where you just turn up and pay per class rather than signing up for a series of classes. I have to say I totally recommend doing it, it was really interesting even though drawing the human body is damn hard (as you can see from my efforts below).

I didn’t have any drawing equipment but you could get paper, charcoal, boards, etc. there and I went for just simple approach of paper and charcoal sticks with a board to rest on my lap.

The class was packed out as we formed a circle around the model, some seated and those with easels behind. My cock fears were not realised as there was a female model for the session.

It was a little weird at first as she disrobed and the class leader put her into a pose, but within minutes it was perfectly normal for a group of clothed people to be staring at the naked person in the middle.

The two hour session was split into a variety of different poses to enable practice of drawing the body in different positions and perspectives. Some poses were long (30mins), one was a super quick 2mins (very hard!) and several 10mins and 20mins poses.

Drawing the body is really difficult and does need a lot of practice and technique, but was really fun and interesting to do. At the half-time break my friend and I were really buzzing and couldn’t wait to get back to it.

As the below shows, I’m clearly no artist, but you don’t have to be good to enjoy it. If that were true I would never play golf again.

Life art drawing class … give it a go.

Jake McMillan

P.S. The originals are available to purchase if anyone’s interested 😉

You really feel the pressure when having to draw in a short time frame

Quite a few of my efforts look like poor 19th Century Autopsy diagrams

The model's face was a lot nice than appears here

I think this was the best one I did

I went a bit wrong on this one and rather than starting again I decided to draw the other artists in the background

I had definitely peaked before the end of the class. The bottle in the top left was powering the heater next to it, in case you were wondering

Film Review: Shadowboxer (2005)

Shadowboxer arrived through my door earlier in the week via my DVD rental service (I use here in the UK) and I could not actually remember putting the film on my list or what the film was about?

A quick IMDB search reminded me that it was seemingly a thriller type film about an odd pairing of assassins, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Dame Helen Mirren?! It is directed by 2010 Oscar-nominated Director, for the film Precious, Lee Daniels. I think I had come across the title when looking up what other stuff Vanessa Ferlito had been in, after seeing her again in Day 3 of 24 (the best series of 24 in my opinion).

On the face of it, the film is really quite intriguing. The lead two actors are interesting and are well supported by not only Ferlito, but by Macy Gray (looking a bit like a transvestite, but maybe she always looks like that?), Stephen Dorff (what has happened to him these days?), Mo’Nique (2010 Oscar winner for Best Supporting Actress) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (from3rd Rock from the Sun). First-time director Lee Daniels is at the helm, the man who produced Monster’s Ball and The Woodsman. The renowned designer, Vivienne Westwood, also designed the costumes for the lead players.

Here is the trailer:

Shadowboxer is an offbeat and slow-paced film that focuses on the character Mikey, excellently played by Cuba Gooding Jr., who had an abusive father and loses both his parents at a young age. He had been brought up by an assassin Rose (Helen Mirren, also good) and they work together as a close knit team, with a rather unusual relationship where Rose acts both as Mikey’s mother and lover.

We learn very early in the film that Rose is dying of terminal cancer and begins to question whether she is being punished by god. On their next assignment she makes a choice that has a significant effect on both their lives. As the years goes by, Mikey gradually realises he is not simply content with being an assassin but is enjoying playing a father role. Predictably though, events from the past catch up with them.

It is easy to see why Director Lee Daniels would have been interested in this subject but the film does not really know whether it is more a character-driven story or a thriller and fails on both counts. Cuba Gooding Jr. is great in the role, but it was only an hour into the movie that I realised that the film was meant to be about his character Mikey as it had seemed like it was more about Helen Mirren’s character Rose?

The film has a reasonable amount of violence, sex and nudity (e.g. Stephen Dorff’s condom-covered winkle and Gooding Jr and Mirren getting down to it in the park) but they don’t add anything to the story and often serve to make the viewer a little uncomfortable. This could be deliberate of course by the director, but there is no logical reason why it should be so?

In the world the characters operate in, there is plenty of opportunity to film scenes to entertain and enthral without it being cheesy or taking away from the narrative or characters. Take Luc Besson’s 1994 assassin film, Leon, this is a well directed and photographed movie with superb performances that combines drama of character struggles with engaging and exciting action scenes.

Of course, Shadowboxer should not be a copy of this type of film and I respect and enjoy when a film takes an original approach. However, Shadowboxer misses great opportunities to excite and enthral the viewer. I can only guess that the director is trying to show the coldness of the assassin Mikey and how nothing gets to him, not even the potential adrenalin of the kill.

The finale of the story could have been far more tense and exciting in the hands of a more experienced director. There is a good supporting cast, but they are underused with little or no character development.

If you enjoy offbeat type films and find the cast and story intriguing then I would recommend watching Shadowboxer, otherwise I think you will be left rather unsatisfied and disappointed.

If only more music videos were like this?

by Jake McMillan

When someone sends you a link to a Ukrainian music video, you don’t normally have high expectations, but this one quickly grabbed my attention. Well, after 25 seconds it did. (Note: safe but not recommend for work).

So you can see why it grabbed my attention?

Although, my one complaint is that it is not very realistic. I mean, two women walk through a shopping mall and don’t buy a single thing, when does that happen in real life?

Although the video successfully grabs your attention visually, I have to confess that I really quite liked the track. I have no idea what any of the words mean, although the title ‘Verevki’ means ‘Ropes’ I believe.

When I try to sing along to the opening verse, this is what I sing:

Xarn and Zippy are really not happy while they shoot Godzilla,
They’re groaning  while they eat a cracked bowl of their big dinner,
Switch their dark mood quick and fast by preparing paella,
Da boy

Then later on, I’m sure there is mention of an electric shock, but don’t you dare mock, especially when at the dock.

Here is a funny spoof version of this video (it is very well made and it was shown to NikitA on a television programme)

The band NikitA (with a big A at the end) are made up of Dasha Astafieva and Julia Kavtaradze and in the Verevki video they use a similar concept to the video for ‘Baby Baby Baby’ by Make the Girl Dance where 3 different naked women walk through a busy street in Paris with black blocks added afterwards to cover up their naughty bits. I guess another similar-ish video is ‘Lessons Learned’ by Matt and Kim which sees Matt and Kim strip off in New York’s Time Square.

Dasha Astafieva claims that, in an interview with in 2009, she and Julia dress up like twins and exude an “aggressive sexual energy”.

Dasha is by far the better known of the two and has appeared in Ukrainian and American Playboy as well as being selected to be the 55th Anniversary Playmate. She apparently has aspirations to become a Bond girl. She has no objections from me, except I’m not sure how much of speaking role she should have judging from her Playboy interview below (totally safe for work).

For those who may be interested, here are a couple of behind the scenes photos from the Verevki video as well as some other pictures of NikitA:

Me and My Intramedullary Nail (2mths since the op)

Me and my IM Nail Part 2 (3mths since the op)>>>

Me and my IM Nail Part 3 (4mths since the op)>>>

Just over 2 months ago I had a fall and broke my left Tibia (at the shin) and Fibula bones (the lower leg bones) and had to have an operation so they could put a big metal rod (known technically as an intramedullary nail or rod) down the bone to help the healing process. There is not much information available on the internet about this procedure, particularly the healing process, so I thought I would share my experiences in case it is of help or comfort to others going through the same thing.

Tibia Break

Fibula Break

My fall did not seem like a major one and so it was a shock that I had broken a bone, let alone 2 bones and a massive unwelcome surprise that the breaks were so severe I would need an operation?! I was told that they would likely do one of three options: 1) put in a metal rod inside the length of the tibia bone; 2) put a metal plate across the shin area or 3) put in some sort of metal screw/nail horizontally through the shin.

I asked what the risks were and they said the intramedullary nail does have some risks and if I was having circulation issues before or during the surgery then it could lead to them having to amputate. I thought this was just a normal disclaimer but when I pressed the issue the doctor said there was a significant risk, although small in percentage terms of about 5%. The alternative would be not to have the surgery and have a cast, which would not guarantee the bones would heal okay and would also double the recovery time from 6mths to 12mths. I gave written consent that I was alright with them going ahead with the surgery.

It was only as I was being wheeled down to theatre that I was told they were going to do the more risky option 1. I told myself that 19 times out of 20 it would be fine, but couldn’t help but wonder if I would be the unlucky 1 in 20 and looked down at my left foot (well toes, as I had a cast pre-operation) and thought it might be the last time I would see it. When I stirred in recovery afterwards, my first action was to see if I still had my leg and was very relieved to still see it there.

My leg after the operation

Looking back on it, the hospital (St.George’s Hospital in Tooting, South London, UK) did not give me much information about what would happen to me and I was pleased to discover that I didn’t have a cast. Apparently, the point of intramedullary (IM) nails are that they help the bone heal a lot quicker by keeping it in position and also partly carry the strain the bone normally endures. As the ankle and knee joints are not restricted by a cast with this approach, it means partial weight can be applied and then increased when the bone and leg have sufficiently healed.

The technique was developed by German surgeon Gerhard Küntscher and first performed in 1939 to treat soldiers and helped get them back to health (and to fight again) much quicker. Having a cast and therefore a totally inactive leg for a minimum of 4 months or so requires a great deal of time and physio work to get back to normality. Whereas the IM nail approach would sometimes have soldiers back fighting within 6 months.

I found this You Tube video clip of an operation showing the insertion of the IM nail which would have been very similar, but not identical to the one I had. Note: It’s not particularly graphic but if you are a little squeamish, then probably best not to watch it.

I was told the metal used was a stainless steel alloy. People keep asking me if that means I will set off metal detectors at the airport and to be honest I still don’t know as I keep forgetting to ask. This article here suggests I probably will, but it won’t be a big deal and that airport security staff are quite used to it.

For the first day or so after operation, with a very swollen lower leg, I was on a morphine drip in the hospital and then was given Tramadol as a painkiller along with Paracetamol.  I was taking two Tramadol at a time, every 4 hours, and they made very drowsy as well as making me feel quick sick in the stomach. I let the doctors know and they reduced my intake to one every 4 hours, but I still hated the way they made me feel so decided after about day 3 to stop taking them, but kept them just in case I needed them.

I hate being in hospitals and could not wait to get out. I am in my early thirties and was in a 6-bed ward full of much older men with various issues more significant and serious than my own. Alfred, who was in the bed opposite me, was the undisputed wet fart champion of the ward. One evening there seemed to be an unconscious competition between the others as to who could fart and snore the loudest. Alfred was again the winner. One of the men was quite friendly and chatty but kept wanting to show me his stomach, which I was not so keen to do.

My view in hospital and wearing hospital slippers

I was admitted to the hospital late Saturday night and had the operation the following evening. I was told that some people, particularly the elderly, need to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks to recover but by the Thursday the doctors said they were happy for me to go home as long as the physio gave me the all clear that I was safe and competent on crutches.

I was desperate to get out of the hospital and could not stand to be there any longer than I had to so I needed to pass this crutches test with the physio. I’d been given the crutches late on Wednesday by a physio but unfortunately my first attempt was not a great success and only managed a few feet before having to lie down again. This was partly due to being very woozy from the painkillers, it also was my first attempt at being vertical since the operation and most likely due to me accidentally ripping out a poorly inserted cannular with the crutch and then started bleeding down my arm.

My swollen leg - taken when they were changing the bandages

The following day I stopped taking the painkillers and felt more awake and alert. The stomach guy on my ward had done the crutches test before and in return for finally showing me his stomach he told me what I needed to do to pass. You needed to go up and down the ward with confidence and then go up and down some stairs after they showed you the safe method of doing it.

The truth was it was an effort to get out of bed and even using the crutches to visit the toilet was a major ordeal. Having to wee into a container for several days was degrading enough, but I had refused to do a ‘number 2’ and so when I got the crutches I was able to go in a proper toilet for the first time in 4 days and boy did that feel good! Anyway, I had done a couple of practice runs on the crutches down the ward corridor and was not quick but felt I was competent.

The doctors had said I was allowed to put partial weight onto my left leg which meant when I walked with crutches I could put my left foot on the floor but not put any real weight on it. This is rather tricky at first as every instinct you have says not to put your painful foot (or rather leg) onto the floor. Keeping your leg raised in the air is a lot easier on crutches and you are assured that you are not doing any damage.  When putting the foot on the floor you have to time pushing down on the crutch handles ensuring your weight is carried by your shoulders and not your damaged leg.

My crutches

The physios wander the hospital visiting different patients and so you never know what time they will come round. Whenever I went to the loo on the Thursday I would do so as quickly as I could in case I missed the physio and would have to wait another day. He finally arrived in the afternoon and was a different person to the day before. He looked at my file and wasn’t sure if I was allowed to put partial weight on the foot or not. I told him the doctors had said it was okay and he asked a nurse who said she didn’t know. He then disappeared for ages and came back and confirmed I was allowed to. We went up and down the ward and he seemed okay with that and said that was enough for today. I told him that I wanted to go up and down the stairs and he said he wasn’t sure and went off to check something. I never saw him again that day and had to stay another night.

Poor old Alfred shat himself during the night. As in he properly shat himself and stank out the entire ward. Elsewhere along the corridor I heard a woman screaming in pain needing attention. I had to get out! I decided that whatever happened the next day, whether the physio showed up or not, I was going to leave in the evening.

A close up of just below the knee

I waited patiently for him to arrive and he did so just after lunch. Being off the painkillers (I only took them at night to help me sleep) made me feel a lot better and alert and when the physio arrived I felt confident I would pass the test. I asked him if we would be doing the stairs today and he said we will see how it goes. I then made it very clear to him that he was the only person preventing me from going home and that my bed could be used by someone more deserving than me. I gave him a look that made it clear we would definitely be doing the stairs.

We got to the stairs and he asked me if there were any stairs at my home and if so, were there any hand rails? I live in a flat so the kitchen, toilet and bedroom are all on the same level so that was fine, but I live on the top floor which means going up 7 flights of steps, plus a stoop at the bottom. I could not remember if it had handrails or not but needed to get out of the hospital so told him I had 3 flights of stairs and there were handrails on both sides!

I got my wish and passed the crutches test and could go home. My parents kindly gave me a lift from the hospital back to my flat which also turned out to be a bit of an ordeal. The U.K. had been hit by snow whilst I was I was recovering from the operation and so it meant the pavements and roads were very slippy. Not ideal for someone uneasy on crutches and a broken leg.

My ward seemed to be miles away from the exit of the hospital where I could get picked up by my parents’ car, but I was determined. My parents were stressing and fretting, getting annoyed with each other and I with them. When parking outside my building, my Dad preferred to use the side street from the main road but that was far too slippy and so he had to reverse onto the main road. Walking from the car onto the pavement was really quite tricky and very cold! I wasn’t able to put shoes on (my left foot and ankle in particular was very swollen) and so was wearing these pathetic and most unsexy hospital slippers.

Hospital Slipper

My parents were either side of me looking very anxious and every unsteady movement I made they over-reacted putting their arms out to catch me and making ‘aargh’ noises. They were just worried and wanted to help and make sure I was okay. However, it wasn’t helping me and I was in pain and quite cold so I got rather impatient with them and was quite rude to my poor Dad at one point. I got through the gate and to the stoop when I first had to start going up steps. I had forgotten the exact order of the method the physio had told me, but after step 3 or 4 I remembered and was able to get up stairs a lot easier and quicker than I thought I would, albeit one step at a time.

The safe method of going upstairs (or down) with crutches is to hold the hand rail with one hand and then both of the crutches in the other hand. One of which is used as a crutch and the other is horizontal as you are just carrying it, effectively. This is a safe method, but it is slow. It is also cumbersome when going up flights of stairs as when you have got to the top of one flight, you revert back to 2 crutches as you go round the corner and then have to change back to one crutch as you go up again. The alternative is to hop round, with the 2 crutches still in the one hand, which is what I ended up doing. After a few weeks you may feel confident to abandon this safe method altogether and use both crutches going up and down the stairs. I have been doing this for the last month, although I am sure physios would disapprove.

I got into my flat and lay on my bed, in my own clothes (not the horrible hospital gown) surrounded by my stuff in my bedroom that would not be disturbed by some nurse in the middle of the night asking if they could take a swab of my nose and groin. To which my response was initially okay and then as I realised what she had asked, “Hang on, you want to do what? Why do you need to do that? You do realise it’s my leg that has the problem?”

Being at home felt great and I was so relieved to be out of the hospital. My parents tried hard to persuade me to go and be with them in Somerset (2-3hrs drive from London) whilst I was convalescing. As the bedrooms are upstairs in their home it would mean them converting the living room into a bedroom for me. It would not be ideal and also, more importantly, it wouldn’t be my home. It wouldn’t be my bed and I wouldn’t have my stuff or my independence. It was better, although harder work for me, that I was in my flat. I don’t regret that decision in any way.

I’m still single at the moment and quite an independent, self-reliant sort so it was quite hard to be in my position where I did actually need a bit of help. My parents had been to the supermarket so I was stocked up with food and would not need to go to the supermarket for a while. A lot of the supermarkets do internet ordering and home deliveries and my flatmate offered to get stuff for me too so I knew I would be okay on that regard.

My first day at home alone was interesting. It’s the day the full realisation of your situation hits you as you figure out all the stuff that you are no longer able to do. So much of what you do in life depends on you having two able arms and legs.

Showering suddenly is a very precarious activity as you are balancing really on one leg and cannot move around. You can only wash yourself with one hand as the other is needed to hold on to the wall. It was only a few weeks ago someone suggested that you don’t actually have to stand up and you could sit on the floor in the shower/bath, I wished I’d known that at the beginning! As you have bandages, you need to have something to protect them from getting wet and my mum sent me the below which worked quite well.

Lower-leg guard

I am pleased my kitchen is quite small and so I can hop from one side to the other and rest on the counter without having to use the crutches. I was very pleased when I made my first meal for myself … some toast and a cup of tea. However, to get this from the kitchen to my room necessitates only using one crutch and carefully holding said plate or cup of tea and hopping gently without dropping or spilling anything. So transporting a simple plate of toast and a cup of tea turns into a palaver of two trips and even a third one to get the other crutch if you did not think of this when you first left your bed.

Going to the toilet is a bit tricky too and you have to be quite careful initially at lowering yourself down and standing up. It helps my loo is nearby and very narrow so there is always something to lean on or hang on to. I’ve also had to go from being a scruncher-stander to a scruncher-sitter.

As important as the physical side of things, is your mental attitude. After my operation in early January I was told it would be a minimum of 3 months until I was better and actually more like 6 months before I could “do the things you want to do”. Basically, all the plans and expectations I had for 2010 had just been thrown out of the window. I was hoping to get back into my jogging routine (having abandoned it for 3mths) and now I was being told that it would likely be July before I could think about doing something like that.

I feel I have approached the whole scenario quite well and in good humour. In fact, I have been quietly proud of myself in this area. I haven’t been angry about the situation or thought about ‘why me?’ or that is really unfair. It has happened and so you just have to get on with it.

I have focused on short-term goals rather than the end goal finish line. These goals were getting though the operation okay, then getting out of the hospital and then my first hospital check up about 2 and half weeks later. The next milestone was the following check up about 5 weeks later (a couple of days ago as I write this). More of this a bit later on.

The first week at home was the toughest week by far. The leg was still very swollen and very painful when not in a well-cushioned elevated position. Whenever I stood up, it felt as if blood was rushing in to the lower leg all and would be extremely painful for about 5-10mins. The kind of pain that leaves you out of breath and so I had to psyche myself up for every trip to the toilet or to the kitchen. It would be such a relief to get back to my bed and get my leg back on the pillows.

The swelling of the lower leg, ankle and foot meant that the leg seemed distorted and when I put the foot on the floor and tried to straighten it, I could only get my foot flat by standing at an odd angle with my other leg slightly bent. I was quite concerned that maybe something was wrong and that the metal rod was misaligned. However, when the swelling went down, all was fine.

After the first week at home, the swelling in the leg went down and it started to look quite normal and the pain gradually subsided. The 5-10mins of tremendous pain every time I stood up got less and less in time and intensity and I felt a lot better and was motivated to be more mobile.

I had been house-bound for over week and felt it was now time to venture outdoors. I planned a trip to my local shop to get a few sundry items, something that previously would be a nothing task that would take only 10mins to do. Now I had to plan this carefully as I felt sure I could get down the 7 flights of stairs and then the 50 yards to the shop without any problems. However, I was concerned about the actual shopping part as I would not have a free hand to carry the items I wanted to buy.

My solution to this was to use a rucksack which when in the shop would come off my back and, using the small top handle, would rest on one of the crutch handles. That way I could walk around and simply put in the items as if it were a basket. When full of items it does become a little difficult to walk about with, but overall has been more satisfactory than the hassle of putting the rucksack on and off again throughout the shop.

When I ventured outside onto the street I felt very vulnerable on my crutches and was really wary that someone would accidentally bump into me and I would fall over and damage my leg more. That feeling of vulnerability reduces the more you heal and the more confidence you gain on the crutches.

I was more than a little chuffed at having got to the shop and back with my shopping. I felt independent and quite knackered! Two days later I went with a housemate to meet a mutual friend at a nearby pub for a drink. The pub is a 7mins walk, but on crutches it seemed to take forever and was quite uncomfortable. I had got some padded bike gloves to use with the crutches but still managed to develop blisters. Some people wrap bandages or padding around the handles and I think this may be a better approach.

In the pub we sat on stools and had a drink and it felt good to be doing something normal again. It was my first social engagement since having the operation 3 weeks previously. It was not a comfortable experience as at that point whenever the leg was not elevated it became sore quite quickly and so I was always readjusting my position to try and make it more comfortable.

The elbow crutches I have are really quite good, but the one issue I have with them is that it is very difficult to keep them standing upright when resting against something. It only takes a slight nudge and they will fall over, something that happened many times when at the pub. However, it did act as a good ice-breaker to talk to people (women) who would ask what I had done.

Not having a cast was really good but sometimes it would have been useful to have one. People would notice the crutches and then look at the leg and because there is no cast they are less sympathetic, like I’ve just sprained my ankle or something.  Once the swelling went down it was easy to put on shoes and socks so apart from the crutches I look quite normal and able-bodied. So out an about on buses and trains people don’t give you as much space and are less wary about bumping you as they would if you had a cast.

My first hospital check up appointment was an important milestone I was working towards and I would need to get a bus for the first time whilst on crutches. Buses in London have a big step up to get on and I was worried about finding a seat in time before the bus started moving, not getting hit by other people and then getting off as you cannot stand up until the bus has stopped.

The bus experience was not as bad as I thought on the way there, early afternoon, and I was able to get on the bus without a major jump up or anything and found a seat relatively easily. However, the journey back was at rush hour and I had to fight a swarm of people to get on and then find a seat. It was okay, but I wasn’t comfortable.

The hospital check up went well, apart from the ridiculous waiting time and had an X-ray done and then spoke to a consultant who confirmed the IM nail was aligned exactly as it should be and that I should come back again in 5 weeks time. He said if I started to feel better that I could start putting a little more weight on the leg.  Rather than stitches, I had metal clips and these were removed at the visit. They have a little device a bit like a fancy staple remover that takes them out and is mostly painless.

Metal clips below the knee, just before they were removed

Bottom left is the bruise and mark on the shin from where the bone almost came through the skin

It was the first time I got to actually see the metal in my leg and was a little shocked as I saw more metal than I expected! When I was told that I would have a metal rod in my leg I had pictured in my head a thin rod and some small screws at each end to hold it in place. As you can see the IM nail is quite substantial and the screws holding it in place are the width of the leg, seeming like they may pop through the skin at any moment! The doctor let me take a photo of the X-rays.

X-Ray of IM Nail in my leg - top left is my knee and the whitest parts are the nail and screws holding it in place

Another angle - showing the IM nail just below the knee

Passing that first big milestone was a real motivator and confidence boost as all the worries I’d had were now gone and I was feeling more comfortable and less in pain as each day went by. Thankfully I work for myself and so it meant I could now start to get back to work and earn some money. Unfortunately, I am self-employed and so I had no income at all for January and I was not cash-rich when the accident happened and so it has left me in a difficult financial position, one that I have not yet resolved.

The next few weeks I ventured out a bit more, went to a few work meetings, to a friend’s birthday celebrations and even travelled by train on my own to Birmingham (2hrs from London) for another friend’s 30th birthday. Actually that latter trip was a tough day as it was a Saturday but I was doing some work for a client in West London and the plan was to finish up there and then head straight to Marylebone to catch my pre-booked train. I realised as I left my client that I had left my train tickets and wallet in my flat so had to go all the way back to South London to pick up my wallet and then travel across London again and buy a new much more expensive ticket to get to Birmingham. I was so annoyed with myself.

Using the London Underground is not the easiest thing in the world as most stations are not geared up for people with disabilities. To get through the turnstile you have to swipe your oyster card and quickly get through the gate before it shuts on you. You feel a bit vulnerable on the escalators and it is a bit hairy if the person in front of you decides to get off at the very last moment. So far people on crowded buses and trains have been really good and someone has offered up their seat when it has been busy.

My next milestone was a couple of days ago with my second hospital check up. I have been getting really bored and tired of being on crutches and the pain has pretty much gone, just a little soreness. In the week leading up to the appointment I had felt a lot better and had been putting a bit more weight on my leg, but not too much as I still have a bruise and swelling where the tibia break was (the shin). I was eager to start physio and start the process of being able to walk again and did not want another 5 weeks of being on crutches.

The appointment went well and was told I was healing fine and that I can start putting more weight on the leg. I showed the consultant that I could stand on tip-toes unaided and could walk without crutches, well, I can do this rather slow pathetic hobble walk. The consultant made a ‘lame’ joke about is that how people walk in Clapham (where I live) and said I needed to start physio and putting weight on the leg would aid the healing process. The nurse told me that when I started putting more weight on the leg and doing the physio my leg and foot would swell up, but this was normal.

I left feeling very happy. I had passed the milestone and was onto the next phase. I now only use one crutch when moving about the flat and although it is not a fluid movement and still a bit of a hobble, it is a lot better than before. I can now put the used tea bag straight into the bin from the cup (as you need two hands to do this) rather than putting it on a plate and emptying it later.

When I was waiting at the hospital I saw another guy who had crutches. He could walk without them and had a very slight limp and walked into his appointment carrying the crutches and then came out without them. That is my next goal, to be like that guy at my next appointment in 6 weeks or so.

My ultimate goal is to be able to do a 10mins jog. Once I can do that I will feel like I have recovered, but that is a long way away and I am just focusing on the next goal.

If you have your own experiences to share or know of useful information or resources online please add them in the comments below.

Me and my IM Nail Part 2 (3mths since the op)>>>

Me and my IM Nail Part 3 (4mths since the op)>>>

Jake McMillan

Women with OCD – Obsessive Cushion Disorder

The number of women I know who have OCD, Obsessive Cushion Disorder, is alarmingly high and the condition is spreading like a virus.

My flatmate and my mum are two such sufferers who openly state that there are simply not enough cushions in the world. In my parents’ living room there are two sofas (a 3-seater and 2-seater) that are more than perfectly comfortable by themselves but my mum feels the need to add a total of 13 extra cushions?!

These extra cushions serve no purpose, being just sofa decorations and provide no extra comfort at all. In fact, they actually cause discomfort as the cushions get wedged into the gaps of the proper sofa cushions and push them out. You end up moving the cushions to the other end of the sofa or chuck them on the floor.

A sufferer of Obsessive Cushion Disorder

If unchecked, OCD sufferers would keep adding cushions until you could no longer see the sofa and it would just be a big pile of cushions.

This debilitating affliction is not limited to the abuse of perfectly good sofas, but will also encourage the sufferer to obsess about her bed. These women will believe that the bed and pillows are in constant danger from attack and so need to be protected by an ever-present army of cushions.

Boyfriends, partners and visiting guests are forced to go through the ridiculous ritual of removing all these completely superfluous cushions onto the floor and then in the morning having to replace them in the exact place they were found. The order and placement of the cushions is equally important to the OCD sufferer, perhaps more so, than the number of cushions.

The video clip below from the BBC comedy Coupling (starring Jack Davenport, also of FlashForward, This Life and Pirates of the Caribbean fame) helps explain the pointlessness of cushions.

Sadly there is no known cure for Obsessive Cushion Disorder.

Jake McMillan