Being the mature, grown up and generally wise person that I am, I decided to play a rather juvenile joke on a friend of mine. She works as an author’s agent specialising in books for children and was moaning that she was getting lots of authors wanting to promote their books that are about a cat that is a detective of some sort.
So, using a fake email address I decided to have a little fun with her. Very sorry Hayley.
Day One (of ten):
I am writing to ask if you would be interested in a children’s book I have written?
It’s about this amazing cat, a Ginger Tom, who, with the help of his mouse friend, solve crimes in and around Lincoln. Not murders or anything like that, just things like robberies, arson, GBH, fraud, rape, etc.
It’s called ‘Cat and Mouse’ and is aimed at 5-10 age group and comes with illustrations.
Sorry to chase, but wondered if you were interested in me and my book? As you can imagine I’ve had a lot of interest from other agencies.
I’m also developing another series of childrens’ books about a homicidal Beaver named Jerry. Jerry is a serial killer of other beavers, but only kills very bad beavers.
Okay, so I take it you are not overly keen on these ideas?
How about another project of mine in development, again aimed at children. It’s about this snake called Arnold and his good buddy Tarquin, an owl, who fight crime at night in a superhero sort of way. Tarquin carries Arnold around and then drops him into the danger zone to sort out the bad guys. To make it relevant to modern society, Arnold is a pre-op transsexual who works for a sexual health clinic during the day and Tarquin is an investment banker.
What do you think?
Barney is a badger with some issues. On the one hand he has the gift to heal people through touch, although when he does, this drains his energy so much that doing it is actually killing him little by little. On the other hand Barney is very depressed and lonely, unable to create close bonds with anyone. Barney’s mother committed suicide when he was young, he never knew his Dad and as a result Barney has been on anti-depressants most of his life.
Barney’s only real relationship is with his psychotherapist. A Donkey named Judy.
Hayley did not know who was sending these messages, but she had her suspicions and I was most definitely one of the main suspects. She did not reply to any of the above messages but forwarded them on to me and the other suspects. We all denied any knowledge of it.
Click here to go to Part 2 and read the increasingly ridiculous stories put forward.