Monthly Archives: May 2011

Internet First Dates

by Jake McMillan

Using the benefit of my own humble experience and that of expert Internet daters, here are few tips for navigating your way through those potentially tricky first dates.

1. Suggest a date early into Internet Chat
Don’t waste loads of time emailing/chatting to someone online before suggesting going on a date as you won’t really know if you’re compatible until you meet them in person. You’re on an Internet dating site to meet people after all, not to chat on a computer. If you’ve received three messages back from them of more than one sentence, then you’re definitely in the zone to suggest meeting up.

2. The 1st Date – Keep it Quick and Simple
The best thing you can do is suggest meeting for a quick drink/coffee after work. This is good for two reasons: first, it is an easy thing to say yes to and second, it does not commit you to a whole evening with them. They may seem lovely in photos and on email, but when you meet them you will decide fairly quickly if you actually fancy them or not.  If it’s the latter you don’t want to be stuck with them any longer than you have to. Suggesting the cinema or theatre are potentially bad ideas unless you meet up with them a good amount of time before the show starts.

3. The Initial Meeting
Make sure you are on time (chaps – it’s best to be a little early) as no one likes to be kept waiting. When going up to them for the first time, despite any nerves you may have, go for a confident and welcoming hello with a big smile. Guys, I would always suggest going for a kiss on the cheek as a hand shake would seem a little distant and reserved.

4. First Date Crunch Point #1 – 3rd Drink
During a first Internet date there are a number ‘Crunch Points’ where the date could go in very different directions. Crunch Point #1 is after the second drink. If you’ve wisely suggested a drink after work then etiquette will mean one of you buys the first round and the other buys the next. The Crunch Point is whether you go for round number 3? If one or both of you are not keen on the other, then this is a perfect opportunity to make a polite exit. An acceptance of a third drink means the date will continue for at least a little while longer.

5. First Date Crunch Point #2 – Food
The next Crunch Point is the suggestion of going for some food after your initial drinks. Commitment to this means the date will continue for quite some time more, but is also an opportunity for an escape. If you go for food, don’t go somewhere too formal, you want to create a scenario where the two of you can sit closely together to give a chance for flirting and touching (e.g. playing footsie).

6. First Date Crunch Point #3 – Kiss Goodnight

If you haven’t already kissed during the date, then a kiss goodnight is something you’ll both be considering. Guys, if she is eager to get away to her taxi/transport then she probably doesn’t want to do it, but if she lingers at the point of goodbye then she is probably open it.

Good luck!

Treat ’em mean, Keep ’em keen

by Jake McMillan

It’s a well known phrase, but there is some unfortunate truth to the notion of ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’, especially when it comes to flirting.

Us humans are complex beings and rather annoyingly we are not attracted to someone who is really nice to us, who says lovely compliments and doesn’t have a bad word to say about us. We don’t like this as it seems like the person is kissing our arse, perhaps being a little desperate and also the fact we don’t want pulling someone to be too easy.

In all areas of life, we only put value in things we have to work hard for or struggle for. If it is just handed to you on a silver platter then we put less meaning or significance into it. The same is for flirting, we want to have earned the person we have pulled. The person becomes much less attractive if it is all too easy. Although, the idea of Cheryl Cole lying on a silver platter does have a certain appeal.

Think about your own experiences, isn’t someone who seems like they are not interested in you romantically somehow far more attractive and desirable than someone who is obviously attracted to you and very keen? It’s a bummer isn’t it?

So, to make yourself more attractive whilst flirting it is actually much better to be mean than to be nice. This is not to say you should endlessly insult the person you are chatting up, but peppering the conversation with little teases about them will make you seem confident, that you are no push over and that they will have to work to pull you.

Expert pick-up artists have perfected this into almost a science with their own theories and nomenclature. Neil Strauss’s excellent book ‘The Game’ explores the world of pick-up artists and early on describes what is known in this world as a ‘neg’.

Neither compliment nor insult, a neg is something in between—an accidental insult or backhanded compliment. The purpose of a neg is to lower a woman’s self esteem while actively displaying a lack of interest in her—by telling her she has lipstick on her teeth, for example, or offering her a piece of gum after she speaks.’ Neil Strauss, The Game

Whether we like it or not, negs are much more effective in flirting than being nice will ever be. So, to keep ‘em keen, you gotta treat ‘em mean.

Can I date Santa?


The advantages and disadvantages of dating Santa:


  • He will always get you presents
  • He only works one day a year
  • Looks great in red
  • Has own transport
  • Likes kids and animals
  • He lets you sit on his knee


  • He’ll only give you presents if you’ve been good
  • He eats a lot and is not in good shape
  • He possibly has an unhealthy attachment to Reindeers and Elves
  • Sleighs draw too much attention and are not easy to park
  • Technically, he’s unemployed
  • Has huge bushy white beard
  • Only wears one outfit
  • He’s not really around on Xmas Day
  • Santa is anagram of satan

The One?

by Jake McMillan

Do you believe in the One? That you have one true soul-mate out there who is absolutely perfect for you above all others?

I hope not.

Believers will say it is just because I have not met mine yet. The reality is you cannot really prove it either way, but regardless of your view on this, it can affect your approach to dating.

Although I do not believe in “the one”, I have had a long relationship that I believed was something special and although it did not go the distance (I ended it), it has coloured my view when meeting potential dates.

I wasn’t looking to meet the same kind of girl, but if I met someone I didn’t get that special feeling for, the feeling that this could be something really special, then I would not be interested. If it didn’t feel as good as the feeling I had when I met the girl from my good relationship, then why should I bother wasting my time and theirs?

Friends said I needed to lower my standards or criteria, but you cannot help the way you feel when you meet someone. I would like to be less ‘picky’, but it is easier said than done.

The first step is to recognise that you are picky when it comes to dating. The next is to realise that some people are what my friend likes to call ‘growers’, that their appeal grows as you get to know them, even if you weren’t initially very attracted to them.

Accept that there are no definite rules of attraction, some people get the love at first sight and others they fall in love with someone they have known or been friends with for many years.

You just don’t know how it might happen so why limit your possibilities? Give that date you weren’t too keen on, but they seemed okay, another chance. Most times your initial feelings about them will stay the same (or get worse!), but every now and again you will be surprised and, who knows, maybe the start of something special you never expected.

Worst 10 Ways of Getting Over an Ex

by Jake McMillan

Here is a short list of things of what NOT TO DO when trying to get over you ex:

1 – Give them an STD or get them pregnant.

2 – Move onto their street or into their apartment building.

3 – Call them on a regular basis.

4 – Tell your friends and family your ex is dead.

5 – Get a tattoo saying ‘I hate [their name]’.

6 – Start dating a relative of theirs.

7 – Become a Nun or Monk.

8 – Kill your ex.

9 – Get extensive plastic surgery to look like them and change your name legally to theirs.

10 – Smear your poo on their front door.