Why Dating a Vampire Sucks

by Jake McMillan

For the last couple of years modern culture has been obsessed with the world of, and in particular, the issues surrounding vampire love. Twilight, The Vampire Diaries and even True Blood romanticise the difficulty of a human loving a vampire.

However, the truth of the matter is that dating a vampire sucks … pun intended.

Taking Twilight as an example, it is all very sweet that it is difficult for Bella (Kirsten Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) to be physically close and the angst this causes. However, the practicalities of dating a vampire would in reality be very off-putting to most people:

  • He’s stone cold all the time – every woman I’ve known hates being cold
  • Either he can’t be in daylight at all (so no beach holidays together or help with the shopping) or like Edward he is all sparkly when in direct sunlight

Basically, and to be completely blunt, what woman really wants a stone cold penazzled cock up her?!

As well as it being uncomfortable to be intimate together, you also need to consider:

  • He might accidentally start drinking your blood at any moment
  • Whilst you get older and spend a fortune on moisturisers, Botox and going to the gym, he never ages at all and looks exactly the same. Be honest, you would resent this.
  • He drinks blood and it’s always a real pain to get blood stains out in the wash.

Dating a vampire might seem glamorous, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

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