An Email to my Flatmates from our Dishwasher


I posted before about my flatmates and their unusual approach to using dishwashers. I am trying new techniques to subtly teach them how to use it. The alternative would be to actually run some sort of workshop for them, but even I’m not that sad.

Today I forwarded them an email from our Dishwasher:

Dear Masters,

It is an honour to serve you. For as long as I live I shall endeavour to clean your plates, mugs and kitchenware to the best of my abilities.

To that end, it would help me immensely as well as save you from further washing up or cost of running me again to be aware of the following:

– Mugs/Glasses should be vertical on the upper deck, i.e. the bit needing cleaning is facing the washing blades

h
– Glasses on the upper deck should be on a stalk or kept wedged in by other objects otherwise they fall over (go horizontal) when the deck is pushed in & won’t be washed properly

h
– Objects stacked on top of other objects will not get washed properly

h
– Anything with a lot of dirt should be rinsed before putting inside me (sorry, I’m not as good as I once was)

Following this advice will mean I will be less likely to disappoint you and provide you with the shiny and clean crockery, glasses & utensils you deserve.

Your faithful servant,

Glen (the dishwasher)



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