Category Archives: Women

New Blog – Bounce Off!

I am proud to announce my participation in a new blog Bounce Off (, which allows people to ‘bounce off’ their dating and relationship queries to myself and to my partner in advice, Risa Koh.

Together we hope to provide a male and female perspective to a whole spectrum of different relationship issues.

Risa is a no-nonsense, stylish and cool Yank currently residing in the Kingdom of Canadia. A great loyal friend who is always there to give well-reasoned practical and sensible advice.

Jake is a charming British bloke with witty remarks and sarcastic comebacks that make conversation lively and interesting. He is a lovable friend who is always available to offer keen insights on life and love – unless he has a date.

Neither is a trained psychologist, but they spend their time, like ALL the time, discussing and observing dating and relationship issues of others. Utilising their extensive knowledge and experience as well as a lifetime of nosiness and gossiping, Risa and Jake offer their free independent and impartial advice.

Haven’t there been times when you would like an un-biased view on some issue or another with your competitive colleague, BFF, elusive crush, overbearing mother, or romantic partner? Well, now you have it.’

It’s still very new, but please check it out and there will be new postings made several times a week.

If only more music videos were like this?

by Jake McMillan

When someone sends you a link to a Ukrainian music video, you don’t normally have high expectations, but this one quickly grabbed my attention. Well, after 25 seconds it did. (Note: safe but not recommend for work).

So you can see why it grabbed my attention?

Although, my one complaint is that it is not very realistic. I mean, two women walk through a shopping mall and don’t buy a single thing, when does that happen in real life?

Although the video successfully grabs your attention visually, I have to confess that I really quite liked the track. I have no idea what any of the words mean, although the title ‘Verevki’ means ‘Ropes’ I believe.

When I try to sing along to the opening verse, this is what I sing:

Xarn and Zippy are really not happy while they shoot Godzilla,
They’re groaning  while they eat a cracked bowl of their big dinner,
Switch their dark mood quick and fast by preparing paella,
Da boy

Then later on, I’m sure there is mention of an electric shock, but don’t you dare mock, especially when at the dock.

Here is a funny spoof version of this video (it is very well made and it was shown to NikitA on a television programme)

The band NikitA (with a big A at the end) are made up of Dasha Astafieva and Julia Kavtaradze and in the Verevki video they use a similar concept to the video for ‘Baby Baby Baby’ by Make the Girl Dance where 3 different naked women walk through a busy street in Paris with black blocks added afterwards to cover up their naughty bits. I guess another similar-ish video is ‘Lessons Learned’ by Matt and Kim which sees Matt and Kim strip off in New York’s Time Square.

Dasha Astafieva claims that, in an interview with in 2009, she and Julia dress up like twins and exude an “aggressive sexual energy”.

Dasha is by far the better known of the two and has appeared in Ukrainian and American Playboy as well as being selected to be the 55th Anniversary Playmate. She apparently has aspirations to become a Bond girl. She has no objections from me, except I’m not sure how much of speaking role she should have judging from her Playboy interview below (totally safe for work).

For those who may be interested, here are a couple of behind the scenes photos from the Verevki video as well as some other pictures of NikitA:

Women with OCD – Obsessive Cushion Disorder

The number of women I know who have OCD, Obsessive Cushion Disorder, is alarmingly high and the condition is spreading like a virus.

My flatmate and my mum are two such sufferers who openly state that there are simply not enough cushions in the world. In my parents’ living room there are two sofas (a 3-seater and 2-seater) that are more than perfectly comfortable by themselves but my mum feels the need to add a total of 13 extra cushions?!

These extra cushions serve no purpose, being just sofa decorations and provide no extra comfort at all. In fact, they actually cause discomfort as the cushions get wedged into the gaps of the proper sofa cushions and push them out. You end up moving the cushions to the other end of the sofa or chuck them on the floor.

A sufferer of Obsessive Cushion Disorder

If unchecked, OCD sufferers would keep adding cushions until you could no longer see the sofa and it would just be a big pile of cushions.

This debilitating affliction is not limited to the abuse of perfectly good sofas, but will also encourage the sufferer to obsess about her bed. These women will believe that the bed and pillows are in constant danger from attack and so need to be protected by an ever-present army of cushions.

Boyfriends, partners and visiting guests are forced to go through the ridiculous ritual of removing all these completely superfluous cushions onto the floor and then in the morning having to replace them in the exact place they were found. The order and placement of the cushions is equally important to the OCD sufferer, perhaps more so, than the number of cushions.

The video clip below from the BBC comedy Coupling (starring Jack Davenport, also of FlashForward, This Life and Pirates of the Caribbean fame) helps explain the pointlessness of cushions.

Sadly there is no known cure for Obsessive Cushion Disorder.

Jake McMillan

Can a woman think about nothing?

Men and women struggle to get on as women think too much about stuff and men don’t think enough

A good friend of mine got in touch recently and she was asking my opinion, as an ex-boyfriend of hers, whether I thought she had a strong personality as she was worried she was alienating a new group of friends by being too opinionated and offending them. It turns out she does not really like them that much and so I asked why she was so bothered and to just be herself.

I then suggested she was doing what so many women do and thinking about things far too much and that she should try and do what men are able to do and think about nothing.

“Think about nothing?” she said, “How do you do that? What does thinking about nothing look like?”

I explained that thinking about nothing is not like looking at a black screen, it is when you can look at something but not really focus or think about anything at all. She said she couldn’t do that, if she was looking at a pencil case, she would be thinking about the pencils and pens inside it or if she could see toothpaste she would be thinking about when it would be running out and having to buy a new one.

She said that she gets annoyed with her husband sometimes as it seems like he is moving in slow motion and that she can see the cogs moving in his head as he figures out how he is going to perform some basic task. She said a woman wouldn’t do that, she would keep moving and not need to stop to think.

I feel that women’s brains are constantly moving, like a CD on high speed, whereas men’s brains are more stop and start type machines. This is not to say that either is better as although women’s brains are constantly active, they are not thinking about anything useful. The great capability of the female brain is cluttered with thoughts of some mad insecurity, shoes, feelings, cushions (women have OCD – obsessive cushion disorder), decorating, dieting, worrying/moaning about friends/colleagues, accessories and the 300 million other things that occupy the female brain.

Men, on the other hand, can only focus on one task at a time and the brain can stay inactive until prompted into action by the restless female brain!

I polled my Facebook friends and the overwhelming response was no, women cannot think about nothing.  Here are some of their comments:

That sounds like bliss. No idea how to do it though?

nope. That’s what men do best 🙂

But thinking about nothing is still something to think and stress about!

Hmmmmm? Let me think about it?

Eh what? Why would you say that? What is the underlying meaning of that comment?

It is this difference that causes a divide as men cannot understand why women are so highly strung and get upset by everything in life whereas women cannot understand why men are not upset by everything. Men dread being asked by women ‘What are you thinking?’ as often we are just thinking of nothing in particular but we know we cannot say that as it will be seen as being evasive, so we have to make something up.

So I guess what we need to do to make life more harmonious is to get men thinking more and women thinking less, or is that just a silly logical and rational thought, typical of a man?

Why do Couples get to have a Bed?

A friend pointed out the other day the great injustice that takes place when you go to a house party of a friend. I hadn’t really noticed before, but it is so true that couples have always ‘bagged’ one of the beds whereas single people get to sleep on the sofa or on the floor?!

This is a double whammy against singletons. Not only do they sleep alone again, but they have to sleep somewhere uncomfortable. Is it not a bit selfish of couples to take the beds? They get to sleep with someone every night of the year. Surely, for one night they can rough it somewhere and let the single people take the beds?

Come on couples, do the decent thing and be kind to your single friends, the world doesn’t revolve around you.


Jake McMillan

The Internet Dating Myths

by Jake McMillan


It’s been around for quite a few years now and Internet Dating has become to most people a fairly acceptable way of meeting new people. Not the only way of meeting people, but just another way of meeting someone. Following some chats with both male and female friends who also partake in online dating I was surprised that they still believed some of the myths of internet dating and had not been aware of some of the cold realities of the process.

Myth:  Online dating is a place where both men and women can and will make the first move with each other

Harsh Reality: Men have to make the first move in the vast majority of cases. Women who do make the first move are ‘probably’ not that attractive.

The virtual dating world unfortunately mirrors the real world and men have to approach women and send the first message. Men who do not bother and just sit back and wait for interest in them will not, unless they are Brad Pitt, get much attention and if or when they do, it will not be from hot chicks.

Hot chicks need only to create their account and wait for the messages from eager men and pick the best ones to reply to. Average-looking women may need to ‘wink’ (or equivalent function) to get a guy’s attention and make it clear they are receptive to a message from them. Minging women need to make more of an effort online and send messages. Whereas all men, minging or otherwise, have to make the effort.

Myth:  Online dating is a quick and easy way to meet great new people

Harsh Reality: It actually takes up a lot of your time, especially if you are a bloke, as you have to play the numbers game to be successful.

You can spend ages trawling through pages of profile pictures, clicking on an individual profile to find out that the main photo was clearly taken a long time ago compared to the others. Rather than search the profile for positives, you end up searching it to see if they have things that put you off, like, for example, whether they are slim or fat, tall or short, divorced, have kids, whether they drink or not, or if they are religious and if they can write a coherent sentence? Why do so many people put up group photos when the photo is so small you cannot make out the person? Or if they do, they put up a picture where they are standing next to someone who is far more attractive? I’m always suspicious of profiles where you do not get to see their face that clearly in more than one photo.


Myth:  Women will judge men on their witty and personal opening message

Harsh Reality: Rubbish. They may not even read it. Like men, they will judge you on your profile picture and if you don’t look too bad they may even read some of your profile and if they fancy you they will reply despite what your opening message says.

I’ve heard some women complain that the opening message from a guy seems like it has been copied and pasted or is not more of an effort than ‘How’s it going?’ The majority of the time this is probably true as men know there is absolutely no point spending ages crafting a personalised and humorous message as chances are it won’t even get read. A friend of mine had automated rejection emails from girls who hadn’t even read his message!


Not so much a myth, but it surprises a lot of people how impolite Internet Dating can be as it seems to have its own social conventions and etiquette. For example, if you start chatting/messaging someone it is perfectly acceptable to stop communicating with them without explanation or a goodbye. Even if you meet up with someone, people will just stop communicating without having to go through the awkward, “sorry, I’m just not interested” conversation.

I’ve noticed that in London particularly, and this is probably true of other big cities, that people tend to play games more, which I really hate. It all seems rather false.

That being said I have met some really nice people through online dating, but think I may take a break from it for a while. Of late, I seem to have done better meeting people I like the old fashioned way!



Related Posts:
The Dating Milestones
Internet First Dates
Women Asking Men Out?
Top 5 Terrible Ways to Dump Someone 

What exactly is a Dirty Girl?

I got into a conversation with this drunken Irish girl I met the other day (I wonder how many stories start this way?) and somehow, I am sure it was my fault, we got onto the topic of what exactly constitutes a ‘Dirty Girl’? What does a girl have to do to qualify for this moniker?


Even though the Irish girl was really quite drunk, I must say she objected completely to the whole usage of the term ‘dirty girl’ but did have to accept that some people, mainly men, do use it. Clearly, it is somewhat of a subjective issue, but there must be some generally accepted criteria of what is or isn’t dirty for a girl. It’s different for a boy, of course, but we’ll get to that in a mo.

The dirty line seems to gravitate around anal sex. To some, a woman who does anal sex could be conceived as dirty, but to others this could be quite tame and standard. We came to an agreement that a woman who asks for anal sex is probably a Dirty Girl. We also agreed that a woman who asks you to shit in her mouth is definitely dirty.

It is slightly unfair to women that there isn’t an equivalent ‘Dirty Boy’, but if there was then the dirty line would be very different as there is an assumption that men are automatically dirty whereas women are perceived to be more pure and less experimental sexually. This is, of course, complete guff.

Dirty Girl is not always used by men as an entirely derogatory term and this way of categorising a woman is useful to us. Some men are attracted to and want to particularly meet Dirty Girls and others prefer non-Dirty. Being a Dirty Girl says nothing about your intelligence, social status or ethnicity; you could be the Queen and still be a Dirty Girl. She and Prince Phillip have been married for over 60 years and so must have done all kinds of sick and depraved stuff by now.

As an aside, and not based on personal experience I promise you, but I would be worried about actually shitting in someone’s mouth. Firstly, it is just a bit weird; Secondly, you have to think about aim/trajectory and thirdly, you want to provide a good poo for them without needing a bit of a fart and a widdle as well.


Jake McMillan