Tag Archives: bed

Women with OCD – Obsessive Cushion Disorder


The number of women I know who have OCD, Obsessive Cushion Disorder, is alarmingly high and the condition is spreading like a virus.

My flatmate and my mum are two such sufferers who openly state that there are simply not enough cushions in the world. In my parents’ living room there are two sofas (a 3-seater and 2-seater) that are more than perfectly comfortable by themselves but my mum feels the need to add a total of 13 extra cushions?!

These extra cushions serve no purpose, being just sofa decorations and provide no extra comfort at all. In fact, they actually cause discomfort as the cushions get wedged into the gaps of the proper sofa cushions and push them out. You end up moving the cushions to the other end of the sofa or chuck them on the floor.

A sufferer of Obsessive Cushion Disorder

If unchecked, OCD sufferers would keep adding cushions until you could no longer see the sofa and it would just be a big pile of cushions.

This debilitating affliction is not limited to the abuse of perfectly good sofas, but will also encourage the sufferer to obsess about her bed. These women will believe that the bed and pillows are in constant danger from attack and so need to be protected by an ever-present army of cushions.

Boyfriends, partners and visiting guests are forced to go through the ridiculous ritual of removing all these completely superfluous cushions onto the floor and then in the morning having to replace them in the exact place they were found. The order and placement of the cushions is equally important to the OCD sufferer, perhaps more so, than the number of cushions.

The video clip below from the BBC comedy Coupling (starring Jack Davenport, also of FlashForward, This Life and Pirates of the Caribbean fame) helps explain the pointlessness of cushions.

Sadly there is no known cure for Obsessive Cushion Disorder.

Jake McMillan


Why do Couples get to have a Bed?


A friend pointed out the other day the great injustice that takes place when you go to a house party of a friend. I hadn’t really noticed before, but it is so true that couples have always ‘bagged’ one of the beds whereas single people get to sleep on the sofa or on the floor?!

This is a double whammy against singletons. Not only do they sleep alone again, but they have to sleep somewhere uncomfortable. Is it not a bit selfish of couples to take the beds? They get to sleep with someone every night of the year. Surely, for one night they can rough it somewhere and let the single people take the beds?

Come on couples, do the decent thing and be kind to your single friends, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

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Jake McMillan


What’s wrong with Satin Sheets?!


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I’m experimenting with satin bedsheets at the moment. Don’t worry, no Bunsen burners or bongs are involved, I am merely trialling for the very first time bedlinen made of satin as was curious to know if it was any good? What’s more, I have black satin sheets! I had no idea until this week that people had such strong prejudices against the kind of people who possess black satin sheets?!

When I casually mentioned my experiment to 3 female friends I was quite shocked at their reaction. I thought mentioning the subject may stimulate a rather safe, if somewhat dull, conversation about good bedlinen, but within seconds they were talking about the extreme likelihood of stains from bodily fluids!

They all said they would run a mile from a guy who had satin sheets, especially black ones, as they would think he was some sort of 1970s pervert with a posing pouch, medallion and a picture of Peter Stringfellow on the wall. I tried to explain that I had got the sheets as purely a comfort exercise and I thought they would be cooler to sleep in as it’s been too hot at night of late here in London. This was irrelevant to them, having satin sheets, for whatever reason, is big no, no!

My satin sheets have, in actual fact, been quite cool and very comfortable but I do have a couple of misgivings. Firstly, as satin is very smooth, there is very little friction and so a slight moment whilst trying to get comfy can lead to a pillow completely taking out the bedside lamp! The second is that people, in particular that breed of humans known as women, think it is awful and hysterical to have them. I was at my friends houseparty on Saturday and the first thing one of her housemates (also female) said to me was “you’re not the one with satin sheets are you?!”

So I feel someone should come to the defence of satin sheets as they totally don’t deserve their reputation! They are genuinely very comfortable and cool in the summer and I didn’t get any dodgy stains on my black sheets. Ironically, within hours of changing back to cotton sheets I managed to create a stain … tea though, honest!

Jake McMillan

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