Tag Archives: friendship

Why Do I Have So Many Female Friends?

by Jake McMillan

I get asked this question a lot! Just because I’m a bloke, I’m heterosexual and happen to have a lot of women friends (men friends too), many people (both male and female) think this is a bit odd? I never realised that there was supposed to be an optimum ratio of female to male friends?
My answer to this question is normally that I have a number of close friends; their gender is irrelevant to me. Unfortunately, this somewhat smart-arse and self-righteous answer never suffices. Read the further arguments and discussion points on the Bounce Off dating and relationship website I co-author with my friend Risa.
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Top 5 Buddy Movies

by Jake McMillan

Here are 5 movies that not only epitomise friendship, but are better films because of the chemistry of the buddy relationship.

1. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Paul Newman and Robert Redford are simply superb as amiable bank-robbers Butch and Sundance portraying a very real and genuine friendship.

The nature of their conversation whilst surrounded by the Bolivian Army and facing almost certain death reveals their friendship:

2. Lethal Weapon 2

Mel Gibson and Danny Glover sizzle as the odd pairing of cops, Riggs crazy and out of control and Murtaugh the careful good family man who is about to retire.

3. Superbad

Jonah Hill and Michael Cera as best friends Seth and Evan, but are about to head off to different colleges.

4. Hear No Evil, See No Evil

Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor are at their very comedic best as a deaf guy and a blind guy who get inadvertently involved witnessing a murder and have the killers chasing them.

5. Bad Boys

Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are cops that don’t initially see eye to eye, but become best buds.

The 24hrs Rule

It’s a rule that didn’t exist 10 years ago, but now the 24hrs rule, although an unwritten rule, governs our etiquette regarding email, SMS text messaging and phone calls. Unless you are ill, on holiday or unexpectedly put in prison, you are meant to reply to this type of electronic message, to a friend or colleague, within 24hrs, anything longer and it is considered rude and an apology would be expected with the message.

Before the predominance of the internet and mobile phones, communication was limited to old fashioned landline telephone calls and snail mail. Now that we carry around electronic devices on our person and engage in social networking several times a day, we fully expect a response to our message within a reasonable time frame, which is no more than 24hours.

If a message goes over 24hrs without a response, then we get very annoyed as it is disrespectful to behave in such an impolite way. Even as the 24hrs barrier approaches we start to get annoyed that the person dares to get close to a contemptible reply time.

We are increasingly becoming more and more impatient and the 24hr rule is starting to become socially unacceptable for text messages and that a response within 12hrs (inclusive of sleep time) is expected. A good friend of mine was even upset the other day that I took 6hrs to reply to her text message and I was ill at the time!

It’s only in the dating arena, as per my previous blog post, where communication is acceptable over the 24hrs period otherwise it seems too keen. More and more we have to communicate with people over different mediums, but also be conscious of how quickly and often we do it. We also learn whether our friends are more responsive to a particular form of communication, some prefer texts, other emails and some even (can you believe it?) actually prefer talking on the phone!

I’m quite happy with the 24hrs rule but I worry that we are moving towards a world where instant responses are required. I am not a fan of that and that is why I don’t log into instant messaging systems unless I have arranged to chat to somebody.


Jake McMillan

Wise Words #2: Friendships

On very rare occasions I utter something that sounds like it could be wise, but may just be jibberish?

“Maintaining friends is like juggling many balls at the same time, so don’t get too upset if you’re a ball that gets dropped from time to time”

Jake McMillan

What’s wrong with buying a female friend a dildo?

We’re well into the 21st century and I live in a post-feminist London, one of the most modern and progressive cities in the world, but apparently it is “weird” for a bloke to buy a plutonic female friend a vibrator, but it is fine if a female friend buys one for her. Let me run through the exact situation and you can make up your own mind.

This female friend, let’s call her Faloola, is a close and genuinely platonic friend and she feels very comfortable and open about sharing intimate details about her sex life and bodily functions with me. She even thinks it is funny to call me whilst on the loo! She has revealed she does not masturbate and is not really into that. A female friend had bought her a vibrator earlier in the year but she threw it away.

Faloola is fun and good company, but is prone to negativity about pretty much everything in her life and so I came up with a plan for her centred around getting more endorphins. Firstly, she was to start doing more exercise, secondly, have some chocolate and thirdly, well, I think you can guess what the third part of the plan was about.


She wasn’t so keen on the third part as she has never done that before but I did a quick search and found this vibrator starter kit for women who are new to it and/or feel uncomfortable about using a vibrator. I told her she had a surprise coming in the post and that she probably wouldn’t like it, but to call me when she opened it so I could explain its purpose.

If this had come from a female friend it would have been considered a thoughtful and well-intended gift, but because I have dangly bits between my legs it is considered “weird” and “wrong”.  One female friend who is a feminist and generally forward thinking even said that she felt it was wrong but could not explain why.

So what did Faloola actually think about it? Unfortunately, she didn’t call me when she received it and later said she felt slightly insulted that I thought she needed one (as she’s single), but did understand the good intention. Although other female friends think it is weird for me to have done it, they definitely want her to use it. What is your view?

Jake McMillan

Can men and women really be friends??

I am sure most of you remember the great 1989 film ‘When Harry met Sally’ and Billy Crystal explaining to Meg Ryan that men and women cannot be friends as the sex part always gets in the way. However, is this really true for 21st century society? Opinion seems divided on the matter.

I’m a heterosexual male and have many heterosexual female friends who have been close friends for many years without any sex/romance issues ever occurring. I don’t fancy them and they don’t fancy me, we are just mates. However, several of my male friends think this is complete rubbish and that maybe secretly the women fancy me or I secretly fancy them.

They also say that ultimately men and women cannot be friends as the friendship is always doomed as one will always end up being unhappy as they will have unfulfilled romantic desires on the other and will need to end the friendship to move on. Think about your own friends, don’t you have a friend that sometimes you think about in an amorous or lustful way or that you suspect that they think about you in that way?

I am certain that many male-female friendships are hiding romantic feelings, especially at the start of a friendship, but it cannot be the case for all of them and even the ones that do begin in such a manner, these feelings can pass and a genuine friendship can be formed. It is not an easy situation though, as I know of a few recent cases where friends have been disappointed when an apparent close friendship has fizzled out due to the other party having feelings for them that were not returned and as a result they were not able to be as close to them anymore.

The worst situation is when a long established friendship falters, which my male friends say is inevitable, due to one developing feelings for the other. This is very tricky as the natural approach is to bottle these feelings up for fear of ruining the friendship but can this really be maintained long term without it effecting the relationship?

I firmly believe that men and women can definitely be friends, I have the proof! However, you need to be careful of these friendships in the beginning, as if one person develops feelings it could end up with both being sad and disappointed.
Jake McMillan

Let’s face it ladies, you are rubbish!


If you women didn’t have nice wobbly bits and other interesting anatomical features, we men would have got rid of you a long time ago. You are so infuriating, emotional, illogical, hypocritical, attention-seeking and neurotic it is almost enough to drive any straight man to gay love. ­However, gay men are unfortunately not immune to your insane and inexplicable ways either.

London women are the worst variety of modern, sophisticated yet totally-mixed up ladies. Whether as a friend or partner, you bring us men to the brink of despair on a daily basis. Examine the evidence and you will see this to be true. You want equality but don’t actually, as you want men to pay for you and then carry/fix stuff. You want equality when it suits you and inequality when it works in your favour.

It is also not possible for you to be wrong. Even when you are, men get the blame for you being wrong as we have not understood your myriad of dramas that caused it.

You talk incessantly about yourself and demand we listen, concentrate and be non-judgmental, but of course you’re not self-absorbed!

You want to know about us too, just as soon as you’ve finished talking about yourself. You detest people gossiping about you and will hate other females for doing it about others, but will happily tell us all the secret and tawdry ­activities your friends and colleagues are getting up to. But how dare anyone accuse you of being indiscreet or untrustworthy? You did ask us not to tell ­anyone ­before you told us, of course!

You cannot remember what you did yesterday but can recall the insensitive comment we allegedly made three years ago! You never seem to be completely happy or content and there is always something wrong that needs to be changed or fixed. You cannot let it be.

You also have the most ridiculous way of organising your social calendar. Booking an appointment with you is like making a bet, with normal odds of 3-1 about it happening at the time/place originally agreed.

Face it, women, you are a rubbish gender. You are nearly as bad as men! Be grateful for your wobbly bits.

Jake McMillan