Tag Archives: joke

They didn’t cash my gold?


In the last 6 months there has been a massive growth in companies who want us to send in our gold to exchange it for cash: CashmyGold, Cash4Gold, PostalGold, etc.  Their adverts are very annoying, particularly the one with Mr Fake Tan, Dale Winton below:

To get my own back for being subjected to this so-annoying-I-want-to-kill-someone advert and because I clearly have too much time on my hands, I was curious to see how they would handle this Gold bar:

It’s not been in my family long, but I have become very attached to it. However, some cash is always good to have and I thought that because it was in such good condition and that it clearly bears the McVitie’s hallmark I would get a good price for it.

Via their website I sent off for my FREE Gold Bag and got back the following pack :

With a heavy heart I placed my Gold Bar in the bag and went down to the post office to hand in the special delivery package.

About a week later I received a package in the post. They had rejected my gold bar stating that ‘we were unable to make you an offer on these particular items‘.

I did think about ringing to complain, but I was very happy to be reunited with my Gold bar again.

Jake McMillan

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Lame Jokes that are actually Great


Now and again you get a lame joke that is so lame it is actually great.

Have fun with the following!

What is Orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot

Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he needed a poo

Did you hear about the two aerials that got married recently?
The wedding was awful but the reception was brilliant

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre…
So the barman gives her one.

What is E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

A woman goes to the doctor as she is concerned about a piece of lettuce sticking out of her bottom. “Is it serious?” she asks the doctor who replies, “It could be the tip of the iceberg”.

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his groin area. The barman asks if he realises he has a wheel on his winkle? The pirate responds, “yeah, its driving me nuts”

Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?

Walked passed the fridge earlier and thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gee song but when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talking

Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi

“Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh

The advantages of easy origami are two fold.

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

I truly believe in being Frank and Earnest with women. In London I’m Frank and in Birmingham I’m Earnest.

At 40, it is easy to get sex. I live at no.41 so it is no distance at all.

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene

… and finally the classic of classic lame jokes:

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!

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Jake McMillan