Tag Archives: life

Overcoming Women’s Height Prejudices


by Jake McMillan

Through the relationship blog Bounce Off, that I co-write, we are currently running a poll on the differing views of men and women when it comes to their preferred height of their partner. As I write this, the voting has only just started but I expect the results to show that women are far more particular than men about the height of the person they are seeing.

It’s not just as simple as women wanting to go out with someone taller than them. Women want to go out with someone who is taller than them whilst wearing heels! The situation is getting worse as the trend at the moment seems to be that heels are getting even taller with platforms on the front part of the shoe. Only a woman can artificially raise her height and then judge a man from it.

Men, on the other hand, are less picky in this regard. So, what are men who are average height or below meant to do? If you are a man of average height (roughly 5ft 8 inches/173cm) then the women you should be aiming at relationship-wise will be a maximum of 5ft 5inches or less, to take account of her heels.

This seems a little unfair doesn’t it? The options are:

A) Change the perception of women across the world

B) Just accept this unfair situation

C) Find something practical to address the situation

Considering how difficult it is to change the perception of just one woman, I think option A is out of the question. Option B is a last resort, so that leaves option C, what could be done practically to resolve this? You could destroy all the heeled shoes in the world, but they would just keep making more.

If you can’t beat them, join them! I’ve come to the conclusion that to resolve the situation men should artificially raise their height too. Maybe not with high-heeled shoes though, but with shoes that have discreet platforms and/or lifts that raise the height of men by at least a couple of inches. This means a 5ft8 man becomes 5ft10 and all of sudden has the possibility of pulling women between 5ft 6-7inches tall that he wasn’t able to before.

Related Posts:
The 3 Types of Girlfriend
The Dating Milestones
Women Asking Men Out
10 Things NOT to do on a First Date
How Low do You Go?
The Relationship Evaluation Sketch
Getting the Girl to Pay for Dinner


The 3 Types of Girlfriend


by Jake McMillan [tongue firmly in cheek]

Since the moment god invented boobs, men have come up with many different ways of categorising women and different types of girlfriend. This ongoing futile activity takes place due to man’s ever optimistic hope of trying to understand women. If you can categorise them, then you can begin to understand them and find strategies for an easy life.

In the history of relationships, no man has yet discovered the sacred path to the promised land where day after day he can happily go about his day without fear of criticism or dealing with emotional outbursts, discussions about what he is thinking, having to apologise for something he apparently did or didn’t do and generally having to work hard to keep the woman from going nuclear.

One common example of categorisation that men in their limited wisdom have proffered, in a number of variations, is around sanity, with women falling into one of the four following types:

1) Insane

2) Very Insane

c) In a mental institution

4) Should be in a mental institution or has escaped from one

Although accurate, this categorisation has not helped in our quest to understand the female human. Regular readers of this blog will already know that I have a fascination with all things toilet related and have privately discussed with other male humans the differences in the way girlfriends and fecund (yeah, it’s a proper word and everything) humans I frequent with approach their toilet visits.

It is at this juncture I would like to present American Robbie Sherrard, who has independently come up with a well observed and analysed categorisation of girlfriends based on their bathroom habits. He has defined three clear different types of girlfriend which he explains articulately and eloquently, although in American, in the video below.

I would like to thank Robbie for this analysis, as if I were to draw a table with the three types, I would be able to very easily put all the non-males I know into their appropriate category. Do you know which category your girlfriend/partner fits into? Are you a girlfriend (not necessarily one of mine) reading this? If so, do you know which category your are?

Now, the next step is for us men to use this analysis to help understand the woman. The quest continues.

Related Articles
Do You Talk About Poo A Lot Too?
Folding Vs Scrunching
The Dating Milestones
Relationship Deal-breakers
Robbie Sherrard’s Website


38 Worst Chat Up Lines


by Jake McMillan

A mixture of classic, new and truly lame chat up lines … would you dare use any of them?

Do you work at subway? Because you just gave me a foot long.

Roses are red, Violets are blue … I’ve got a knife, get in the Van.

Is your name Frodo? Cause your ring’s getting destroyed

You remind me of my little toe … why? Because I’m gunna bang you on the coffee table later

Rain isn’t the only 7 inches that will get you wet next week.

Are you Jewish? Because you Israeli hot

I’m an astronaut. I’d love to explore Uranus

Are you free tonight? or is it going to cost me

Nice legs … What time do they open?

You have 206 bones in your body, do you want one more?

If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.

Is that a ladder in your tights or is it a stairway to heaven?

You’re hot, I’m ugly, let’s make average babies.

Are you from Tennessee? … Cos you’re the only ten I see

Do you have a mirror down your pants? because I can see myself in them

You like exotic animals? Wanna see my snake?

Are you related to Yoda? Because Yo-delicious

If I flip a coin…whats the chance of me getting head?”

Can I stick my Willy wonka in your chocolate factory!

What’s got 232 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My Zipper!

My magic watch tells me you have no underwear on … oh you do? It must be 15 minutes fast

Just sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up

Are you legs hurting? ‘Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m rubbish at poems – show me your tits

Hey baby, do you like seafood? BECAUSE I HAVE CRABS

Do you like owls? I know a cracking owl sanctuary (Alan Partridge)

Would you like to come to a party? It’s in my pants

My love for your is like diarrhoea – I just cant hold it in.

Nice shoes, fancy a fuck?

Do you have any raisins ? No ? How about a Date ?

Hi, my cock just past away… I was wondering if I could bury it inside you

Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?

Does my penis taste strange to you..?

Do you have 20p? Because I want to ring my mum and tell her I just met the girl I want to nail in the toilet

Do you work for the post office because I’m sure I saw you checking out my package?

Have a feel of this shirt, do you know what that feels like? Boyfriend material.

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.


Your eyes are like spanners – every time you look at me my nuts tighten.

Related Posts:
Bad Pick up Lines
A Genius Way to Dump Someone
10 Things NOT to do on a First Date 


Advice for Single Ladies


by Jake McMillan

Are you a single lady? If so, you might like reading some advice for single ladies produced, I think, in the 1950s in the US. Advice such as:

DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH, as a man expects you to keep your dignity all evening. Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.

Read more of these on the Bounce Off website.

Related Posts:
Bad Things to Say on a First Date
A New Low in Ridiculous Things to Say on a Date
10 Things NOT to do on a First Date
Getting the Girl to Pay for Dinner


3 Years Blogging


by Jake McMillan
– 


Wow, this blog has now been going for three years. October 2008 seems like such a long time ago, but 150-odd (and I mean odd) posts later and its still going strong.

A big thank you to all those who stumbled upon this site and even larger thanks to those who have commented and added their views (particularly those who have shared their IM Nail experiences as this has been really appreciated by others).

I haven’t followed the rules of successful blogging. They say you should have a niche and write about a very particular area, but I have blogged about many different aspects of life from dating, films (including an increasingly out-dated obsession with James Bond), social etiquette as well as the irreverent, silly and just plain dumb.

It all started with the controversial post ‘Let’s Face it Ladies, You are Rubbish’ which was published in the now defunct (nothing to do with me) free newspaper ‘The London Paper’.

For a reason I really do not understand, ‘How to be a Sock Genius’ has been one of the most popular posts on this blog? I think some are curious and others may just be looking for photos of socks.

I was pleased to learn that people enjoyed ‘The Relationship Evaluation Sketch’ which is meant to be a humourous sketch about a couple who use a spreadsheet to assess how their relationship is going.

Several of the dating posts have included some of the rather stupid things I have said on dates with ‘A New Low in Ridiculous Things to Say on a First Date’ being the worst. It is completely true, I’m ashamed to say. You may like to know that the Period Worm Girl is actually now a friend on Facebook.

Not all the posts are silly and the ‘Jack the Ripper Murder Sites’ is a serious and useful post outlining the current locations of where the murders took place and what they are like now (it includes Google Street View links).

My idea of ‘The Ultimate Dream Island’ seems to polarise opinion, with those who say it would be amazing and others who say it would not be possible to achieve. Dreamers Vs Realists.

One of my personal favourite posts of recent times is ‘Silly Ideas for Children’s Books’ which was actually a practical joke I played on my friend Hayley who is an Author’s Agent. I submitted to her, using a pseudonym, 10 increasingly silly and inappropriate ideas for children’s books.

Another favourite is ‘The Trauma of Stool Samples’ which is a practical but also fun guide to the rather humiliating and disgusting process of having to give a stool sample for a Doctor.



Top 10 Search Terms

The following are the most searched terms to have reached this site:

1 – Socks
As mentioned above, ‘How to be Sock Genius’ is a very popular post. Why, I don’t know?

2 – Nicole Scherzinger
A lot of people stumbled to my site searching for Nicole, so I made a special page about her just so they were not disappointed.

3 – Sophie Marceau
She appears in the Top 10 Bond Girls list.

4 – Pussy
I am sure people are looking for a different sort of pussy, but the only one on my site is Pussy Galore played by Honor Blackman who appears in the Top 10 Bond Girls list.

5 – Eva Green
Another popular lady who appears in the Top 10 Bond Girls list.

6 – James Bond
There are number of posts relating to 007.

7 – Indiana Jones
He appears in the Top 10 Movie Characters list.

8 – Nikita Verevki
This is a post about the visually impressive video for Verevki, a song by Ukranian group NikitA (Dasha Astafieva  and Julia Kavtaradze).

9. Beard
2009 was the year for the Pogonophile. That sounds rude/wrong, but is just someone who likes beards.

10. Cushions
Many women I know have OCD – Obsessed by Cushions Disorder.


A Genius Way to Dump Someone?


by Jake McMillan
The following story is absolutely true. Cross my heart and hope to die.

I was at a good friend’s house and her flatmate was telling us how this guy had ended things with her after about 3-4 weeks of dating. He had found this most amazing, if somewhat ridiculous, way of dumping her without making her think she had done anything wrong or that he didn’t fancy her anymore.
“It’s not you, it’s me”, is a line that is often used and although it is meant to be a kind way of breaking up, the person hearing it will always think they are actually saying is, “it’s not me, it’s you”. This chap, however, found of way saying, “it’s not you and it’s not me”.
About a week before he ended things he confided in her that he has a ghost following him around all the time. He doesn’t like to talk to people about it, so he said to her, and mostly life is okay but sometimes the ghost is unhappy with what it is going on and makes his life difficult by talking to him or physically touching him. Nuts huh?
Well, when he ended things with this girl he said that he really liked her but that the ghost didn’t like him seeing her and he would have to end things as his life would be made really difficult by his spiritual companion.

I never met the guy so I don’t know if he really is haunted by a ghost,or is mad or is just using a line to enable him to finish things nicely with women he dates. Whichever it is, the end result was that he was able to dump her without it being a big emotional deal.


What Age Do We Stop Being Young?


by Jake McMillan
Kids are quite clearly young and pensioners are obviously old farts, but at what age do you stop being considered young and when do you start being old?Perception of age has changed over the last generation or so. You will have heard 40 is the new 30 I am sure, but what does that really mean and what does that make 30 then? Well, let’s clear all this age nonsense up.

24 is the last age you are officially young. You have not yet reached the mid point of your twenties and so you can still legitimately be considered young.

25 is a no mans land age. You are neither young nor old.

26 is the beginning of oldness to which there are many stages. At 26 you can no longer be described as young as you have crossed over that mid-20s marker and definitely have 30 clear in your sights. You will have left any education long behind and be firmly on your way career-wise.

30 is the next milestone to be reached. However, just like 40 year olds today are considered to be the equivalent of 30 year olds in previous generations, 30 year olds are now the new 25 year olds. Being 30 is not quite the massive milestone it once was as although you are no longer in your 20s (which sucks big time), society does not expect or judge you necessarily to have progressed in areas such as career, marriage, family and home ownership like it used to. In 2011, being 33 and being single and renting your home is perfectly fine, whereas in 1961 it would have been different.

40 is the new 30 as we all know with the expectations of a 40 year old in terms of where they are in their life comparable to what they used to be for a 30 year old a couple of generations ago. When you reach your 40s you are starting that ‘middle age’. You are old, but you are not dead yet.

So is 50 the new 40? Yes, the logic carries through to being 50 compared to societal expectations of 40 year olds 40-50 years ago. The same applies to 60 being the new 50.

And is 70 the knew 60? I’m too young care.