Monthly Archives: June 2011

How often do you say Sorry?


by Jake McMillan

There’s not a week goes by that I don’t end up saying sorry for something I may have said or done. This may suggest that I am rude or mean person, but I would disagree as I think saying sorry is a good thing.

Apologising to someone does not necessarily mean you are taking the blame or responsibility for something, but it is an acknowledgement that you understand and empathise that an action of yours (or others) has led to a negative impact on their life in some way. Saying “I’m sorry to hear that” or “I’m so sorry” demonstrates you care and helps the other person know that they are not suffering alone.

There are people who never say sorry and they can be very frustrating and this can lead to arguments and resentments whereas a simple apology can diffuse a situation very quickly. Some don’t want to say sorry because they think they will be admitting fault or guilt and others see it as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength and respect and apologising can lead to a closer and trusting bond to the person you’re apologising too.

Saying sorry is also quite a British thing, where it appears in everyday polite language in a very Hugh Grant type manner. If I’m travelling around London and someone bumps into me, I have found myself automatically saying sorry before actually realising I wasn’t at fault.

If you say sorry too much then it can become irritating or seem false. When I stayed in New York for a long weekend, Risa’s friends kindly looked after me and showed me around town. One of them told me to stop saying sorry. I immediately apologised for this.

I was not even trying to be funny, my automatic reaction to someone who was complaining I was doing something too much was to say I was sorry.

Think about the last time you said sorry? Was it a long time ago? If so, then maybe you need to re-evaluate how you interact with people and whether there are times saying sorry may have helped a situation. None of us are perfect and we all say and do the wrong things from time to time so you should be saying sorry on a regular basis.

So, go and say you are sorry!


I Hate Birthdays


by Jake McMillan

I hate birthdays. Not other people’s, just mine.

My birthday is dead to me and mine has been officially struck from the calendar. I’m not 100% sure why I hate my birthday so much, but I do know I hate it. I have no wish to celebrate it and dread anyone who remembers it and wants to wish me ‘Happy Birthday’.

I’ve been hiding my birthday from others for many years now and outside of family there are only 7 or 8 people who remember but thankfully even they are now a bit confused on the actual date. On the ‘big day’ I get rather insular and have no wish to see or speak to anyone at all.

All this makes me a huge hypocrite as I will always remember other’s birthdays and want to wish them happy birthday and go out and celebrate it with them. However, these people do seem to genuinely enjoy their birthday and the good wishes they receive from people.

Hating your birthday is probably not a good sign psychologically-speaking but I am fine with my life, my age (well, not the number, it’s one of those beginning with a 3) and generally have a positive outlook on life. So why do I hate my birthday so much? It’s true I don’t like the attention or a reminder that I am getting older, but this is not nearly enough to explain my hatred of it.

The reason is unimportant to me but others seem to find it perplexing and my unwillingness to say when my birthday is has on occasion drawn unwelcome attention to it. Nevertheless, I am sticking to my guns and will continue to not celebrate my birthday. If others want to celebrate it, then that is fine, just leave me out of it.

Just in case you were wondering and trying to be clever, there is no relevance to the date of this posting, I wrote this ages ago.


Google Maps have missed off Camden Town Underground


I discovered today that Google Maps have missed off Camden Town Underground Station:

Although if you do search for it, it will direct you to the right place, it’s just they have forgotten to put in the Underground icon.


The Dating Milestones


by Jake McMillan

When moving from initially seeing someone to having a serious long-term relationship with that person, there are a number of dating milestones you need to reach, but not necessarily in this exact order:

1. The 4th Date
If you get past date 3, there will likely be several more dates.

2. You’ve had sex 4 times
This shows you are, at least, fairly sexually compatible. If it’s not working out in the bedroom this early on then the relationship will unlikely continue.

3. Dating for 1 month
The one month marker is significant as usually people will have decided if the relationship has a possibility of long-term potential. If you’ve been dating for a month, you will not know for certain if it can be a long-term deal, but you will normally be able to tell if it’s only going to be short-term.

4. Getting past your first proper fight
All couples argue and row from time to time. Your first fight will demonstrate whether the two of you can actually have an argument and make up afterwards. If you’re not able to do this well, then it does not bode well for a long relationship.

5. Meeting the Friends
As my friend Risa pointed out recently, meeting the good friends of the person you’re seeing is a big deal. If you don’t get along with them, then it can cause issues.

6. Meeting the Parents
Even if not an ‘official’ introduction to the parents meeting, it is always a big deal to meet the parents of the person you are dating for the first time. It is an even bigger milestone when you have both met each other’s parents.

7. Dating for 3 months
This is an important milestone as you can no longer really say you are just seeing each other. If you have been dating regularly for three months, then that qualifies as a relationship.

8. Dating for 6 months
Making it past six months means you are definitely in a relationship and you will have evaluated whether the person you are with has real long-term potential. You might not know if you can go the full distance with them, but staying with them for more than six months means you think it could.

9. Dating for 1 Year
This is a big milestone. If you’ve dated someone for a year then it definitely qualifies as a significant relationship. All couples will seriously evaluate their relationship around this point.The continuation of a relationship beyond the year is a clear statement this relationship is more and more significant.

10. Dating for 2 Years
The two year marker for a relationship is very serious indeed. If the couple are to stay together then some clear sign of commitment of much further longevity is normally required, for example, getting engaged and/or moving in together. If this is commitment is not near on the horizon then it is likely one or both parties will seriously question the purpose of staying in the relationship.

Related Posts:
Exclusivity
Women Asking Men Out
Be Cheap in the Beginning
The Relationship Evaluation Sketch
The Internet Dating Myths


Mojito Mile 2011


One day, one mile, many mojitos

Saturday June 4th (Clapham, South London), saw the 5th Mojito Mile take place on a gloriously sunny day, the perfect way to sip the finest ice cold Mojitos Clapham has to offer.

The Mojito Mile may just be the best pub crawl ever as it combines a laid back approach with fine bars, quality drinks and great company. It is not open to the public and you have to be invited by a friend to attend. However, once you receive an invite you can invite your friends along too so it is great way to meet new people as well as hang out with your friends.

Unlike other pub crawls, the Mojito Mile is a casual affair with about an hour and a half in each bar and you do not even have to drink mojitos, although you are encouraged to have at least one during the day.

Starting with about 25 people at 1pm, the 2011 Mojito Mile grew throughout the afternoon to approximately 70-80 people visiting the following bars:

Four of the bars were new to the Mojito Mile as previous years has seen the route incorporate Clapham Old Town and Clapham High Street, whereas for 2011 Mojito Milers headed to Clapham South. The new bars did not disappoint with special mention going to The Stonhouse, tucked discreetly away but very close to Clapham High Street, which made a special effort for Mojito Milers offering a nice range of Mojitos:

Here are some photos from the day:

Exclusivity


by Jake McMillan

In the world of dating, the word ‘exclusivity’ is considered a dirty word and not something either you or the person you’re dating wants to particularly talk about, but yet in the beginning you will both be wondering about whether the other is being exclusive?

This is because there is a zone from the first time you meet until an undefined point where it is acceptable to be non-exclusive with each other. How many dates is it okay to have with someone before you should become exclusive?

A friend of mine believes very strongly in dating non-exclusively for perhaps a few months before becoming, if ever, exclusive. She says some guys can’t handle it, although they say they can, but she is always upfront with them early on about being non-exclusive.

This could be the key here, if you are clear and open, telling the person you are going to date them non-exclusively then they can decide for themselves if they are okay with that. Unfortunately, most of us don’t want to have that conversation as we think it will scare the person off.

A close friend of mine recently had had ten dates with one girl and about three with another and had completely avoided and evaded all conversations to do with exclusivity, even though he knew the first girl was being exclusive with him. He hadn’t told her he was being exclusive, so he could not be doing anything wrong, right?

No.What he was doing, and I’m sure lots of us do it, was wrong. Ten dates (including ones where they were together for most of the weekend) is too many dates to be having with someone and not telling them you are still dating other people. You have to be honest as otherwise you could really hurt someone.

So, I repeat the question, what is an acceptable amount of dates before you need to be open about exclusivity, or lack of it? There is not a precise answer, but I think the window is 3-6 dates. Anything more than that, whilst still seeing other people, and you are definitely messing them around.