Overcoming Women’s Height Prejudices

by Jake McMillan

Through the relationship blog Bounce Off, that I co-write, we are currently running a poll on the differing views of men and women when it comes to their preferred height of their partner. As I write this, the voting has only just started but I expect the results to show that women are far more particular than men about the height of the person they are seeing.

It’s not just as simple as women wanting to go out with someone taller than them. Women want to go out with someone who is taller than them whilst wearing heels! The situation is getting worse as the trend at the moment seems to be that heels are getting even taller with platforms on the front part of the shoe. Only a woman can artificially raise her height and then judge a man from it.

Men, on the other hand, are less picky in this regard. So, what are men who are average height or below meant to do? If you are a man of average height (roughly 5ft 8 inches/173cm) then the women you should be aiming at relationship-wise will be a maximum of 5ft 5inches or less, to take account of her heels.

This seems a little unfair doesn’t it? The options are:

A) Change the perception of women across the world

B) Just accept this unfair situation

C) Find something practical to address the situation

Considering how difficult it is to change the perception of just one woman, I think option A is out of the question. Option B is a last resort, so that leaves option C, what could be done practically to resolve this? You could destroy all the heeled shoes in the world, but they would just keep making more.

If you can’t beat them, join them! I’ve come to the conclusion that to resolve the situation men should artificially raise their height too. Maybe not with high-heeled shoes though, but with shoes that have discreet platforms and/or lifts that raise the height of men by at least a couple of inches. This means a 5ft8 man becomes 5ft10 and all of sudden has the possibility of pulling women between 5ft 6-7inches tall that he wasn’t able to before.

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The 3 Types of Girlfriend

by Jake McMillan [tongue firmly in cheek]

Since the moment god invented boobs, men have come up with many different ways of categorising women and different types of girlfriend. This ongoing futile activity takes place due to man’s ever optimistic hope of trying to understand women. If you can categorise them, then you can begin to understand them and find strategies for an easy life.

In the history of relationships, no man has yet discovered the sacred path to the promised land where day after day he can happily go about his day without fear of criticism or dealing with emotional outbursts, discussions about what he is thinking, having to apologise for something he apparently did or didn’t do and generally having to work hard to keep the woman from going nuclear.

One common example of categorisation that men in their limited wisdom have proffered, in a number of variations, is around sanity, with women falling into one of the four following types:

1) Insane

2) Very Insane

c) In a mental institution

4) Should be in a mental institution or has escaped from one

Although accurate, this categorisation has not helped in our quest to understand the female human. Regular readers of this blog will already know that I have a fascination with all things toilet related and have privately discussed with other male humans the differences in the way girlfriends and fecund (yeah, it’s a proper word and everything) humans I frequent with approach their toilet visits.

It is at this juncture I would like to present American Robbie Sherrard, who has independently come up with a well observed and analysed categorisation of girlfriends based on their bathroom habits. He has defined three clear different types of girlfriend which he explains articulately and eloquently, although in American, in the video below.

I would like to thank Robbie for this analysis, as if I were to draw a table with the three types, I would be able to very easily put all the non-males I know into their appropriate category. Do you know which category your girlfriend/partner fits into? Are you a girlfriend (not necessarily one of mine) reading this? If so, do you know which category your are?

Now, the next step is for us men to use this analysis to help understand the woman. The quest continues.

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Robbie Sherrard’s Website

38 Worst Chat Up Lines

by Jake McMillan

A mixture of classic, new and truly lame chat up lines … would you dare use any of them?

Do you work at subway? Because you just gave me a foot long.

Roses are red, Violets are blue … I’ve got a knife, get in the Van.

Is your name Frodo? Cause your ring’s getting destroyed

You remind me of my little toe … why? Because I’m gunna bang you on the coffee table later

Rain isn’t the only 7 inches that will get you wet next week.

Are you Jewish? Because you Israeli hot

I’m an astronaut. I’d love to explore Uranus

Are you free tonight? or is it going to cost me

Nice legs … What time do they open?

You have 206 bones in your body, do you want one more?

If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.

Is that a ladder in your tights or is it a stairway to heaven?

You’re hot, I’m ugly, let’s make average babies.

Are you from Tennessee? … Cos you’re the only ten I see

Do you have a mirror down your pants? because I can see myself in them

You like exotic animals? Wanna see my snake?

Are you related to Yoda? Because Yo-delicious

If I flip a coin…whats the chance of me getting head?”

Can I stick my Willy wonka in your chocolate factory!

What’s got 232 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My Zipper!

My magic watch tells me you have no underwear on … oh you do? It must be 15 minutes fast

Just sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up

Are you legs hurting? ‘Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m rubbish at poems – show me your tits

Hey baby, do you like seafood? BECAUSE I HAVE CRABS

Do you like owls? I know a cracking owl sanctuary (Alan Partridge)

Would you like to come to a party? It’s in my pants

My love for your is like diarrhoea – I just cant hold it in.

Nice shoes, fancy a fuck?

Do you have any raisins ? No ? How about a Date ?

Hi, my cock just past away… I was wondering if I could bury it inside you

Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?

Does my penis taste strange to you..?

Do you have 20p? Because I want to ring my mum and tell her I just met the girl I want to nail in the toilet

Do you work for the post office because I’m sure I saw you checking out my package?

Have a feel of this shirt, do you know what that feels like? Boyfriend material.

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.

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Your eyes are like spanners – every time you look at me my nuts tighten.

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Related Posts:
Bad Pick up Lines
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Interesting Facts About Greenland

by Jake McMillan

In my efforts to get this blog read by people from Greenland, I have been doing some research as most people don’t know much about this large country.

Here are some quite interesting facts about Greenland:

• It is the Largest island in the world (Australia is classified as world’s smallest continent). On many World Maps (including the world map in WordPress stats), Greenland is often shown to be larger than Australia when in fact the truth is Australia is three times the size of Greenland.

World Map with Greenland being shown bigger than Australia

Australia is actually 3 times the size of Greenland

• Greenland is the least densely populated country in the world

• It is believed Greenland was named as such largely as a PR exercise by the Norwegian-born Erik the Red who was exiled from Iceland for murder in the 10th century and settled on the island and naming it Grønland (“Greenland”) in the hope that the pleasant name would attract further settlers

• Autonomous Country within the Kingdom of Denmark

• Population of 57,637 (which is smaller than the population of the English town Taunton in Somerset)

• Capital is Nuuk, in the South-West and is largest city in Greenland with a population of 15,459

• Official language is Greenlandic, with second language Danish and third English

• Ethnicity of the country is 88% Inuit (including Inuit-Danish mixed( and 12% Europeans (mostly Danes)

• Currency is Danish Krone

• Fishing and fish exporting is a major part of the Greenlandic economy, with shrimp fishing industry being by far the biggest income generator

• Transport between cities in Greenland is by air and boat as there are no connecting roads due to the many fjords

• Football (soccer) is the national sport of Greenland. However, the Football Association of Greenland is not yet a member of world governing body FIFA because it cannot grow grass for regulation grass pitches.

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