I Hate Weddings

by Jake McMillan

I’m right in the middle of the wedding season at the moment and from the end of April until the beginning of September, all my major social movements are dominated by stag dos, weddings and one bachelorette party (or hen do as we say in the UK). As much as it is very nice to be invited to see a friend get married and be part of their special day, I am not that keen on weddings. In fact, it is hard to know where to begin on the multitude of reasons why weddings are rubbish:

• They’re all the same – They all follow the exact same format, just slightly different venues and participants. Why are people so hung up on tradition that they can’t do something a bit different?

• Wedding Service/Church – I am not religious and often neither are the couple getting married, but yet we have to sit through a lot of God and Christ babble. It all seems very hypocritical and false. Also, as lovely as churches are, they are cold, the seats are uncomfortable and many times your view of what is going on is obscured by a massive stone pillar. On top of all this, you are made to sing hymns. Well, I say sing, most people mumble or mouth the words whilst a few good church-going hymn regulars who actually know the song belt out the words.

• Too Formal – Everyone has to get dressed up very smartly, which I hate (although the trend of no ties being acceptable is helping), and the whole thing is too structured and rigid. It’s only after the meal and speeches that people can really start to relax.

• Small talk – Weddings inevitably involve banal small talk with people you don’t know. Normally these are with older people who you may suspect are a family member of the bride and groom and because you’ve had a couple of glasses of champagne you are too wary of saying something inappropriate so you come across as unnatural whilst participating in an ultra-boring and totally fruitless conversation.

• Expensive – Being a guest of a friend’s wedding really is not cheap as I have been painfully finding out this year.

• Performing a Duty – If it’s a good friend, then you will have to perform various duties and although it’s nice to be able support the couple and make sure their day goes smoothly, it can mean you don’t get to relax and enjoy the day. Because of film stuff I have done, I often get asked to video the wedding and this really is a much bigger job than the couple normally appreciate. It is stressful, you spend the whole wedding day working and then you can spend up to a week editing it.

• Wedding Invites – these are far too formal and ridiculous, just send me a text message or email of where I need to be.

• Wedding Gifts – Buying someone a kettle or a saucepan is dull and impersonal. I would rather send them one of my turds in a presentation box.

My ‘proposal’ would be to have the wedding service broadcast on the internet so guests can sit at home and watch in the comfort of their own home, then later in the day we can join them in the evening for a drink and a dance.

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Filming a Wedding Video – Top Tips

Because of the film-making I do from time to time, I have often been asked by friends to film their wedding day. If you’ve been asked by some friends to do the same, here are some practical tips to help make it all go as smoothly as possible:

1 – Manage Expectations – promise low, deliver high
Don’t get over excited at what you can do for the couple, or let them dictate what can be achieved. If you have agreed to do it, then make sure to say you’ll do the best you can but can’t promise anything.

2 – Chat with couple about the key things they want to capture
Again, manage expectations, but ask them if there are 3 main things they want in the video, you can try your best to achieve it.

3 – Get a detailed itinerary for the day
This is very useful as you know when things are going to happen and can get in position ready.

4 – Check with priest/vicar it’s okay to video ceremony & where you can film
This is very important as each vicar has a different view on what is allowed. At a recent wedding the priest let me go wherever I wanted and at the wedding before that the vicar said I could only film from one spot and not move about.

5 – Get to church early to get some establishing shots of church, church sign, guests arriving etc.
This is useful when it comes to editing the video itself. Also, it establishes you as the wedding video person to guests.

6 – Have at least one back up camera
Your camera should be fine, but have an extra one just in case. Assume the worst case scenario. Your back up camera should ideally record in the same video format to make editing easier and that the picture all looks the same. I once edited a wedding video from 4 different cameras (1 Mini-DV video camera, 2 digital cameras (one was 16:9 HD and the other standard 4:3) and an iPhone) and editing it all took ages and the screen resolution was not consistent.

7 – Have enough battery power to record for at least 6hrs (bring recharger if needed)
This is where a lot of people mess up. Your camera will be on a lot during the day and until they improve battery power, you will need replacement batteries ready to go. You will likely leave the camera on a lot of the time you are not actually filming.

8 – Look out for electrical power points you can use at church/reception
This is so you can do any re-charging where necessary.

9 – Make sure you have enough tape or memory for at least 4.5hrs
Remember using HQ video, which you’ll want to use, will eat up much more memory. You’ll probably shoot 2-3hrs of footage, but best to be prepared for a lot more than that.

10 – When filming speeches, alternate your position
This is to help the editing. Speeches are usually pretty dull anyway, so don’t make it even more dull by filming from the same spot all the time.

11 – Do guest interviews
Trust me, when you come to show the edited video, its the interviews that everyone loves. However, it is hard work to do and you will want to just relax and have a drink instead. Ask people the same 2 or 3 quick questions, nice ones like, have you enjoyed the day? Do you have a message for the couple? Plus one fun one which is personal/funny to the couple.

12 – Control your breathing and keep quiet when filming
Unless you are using professional equipment with a good microphone, anything you say or mumble will be picked up by the camera. A friend did a video and all you could hear throughout was his odd heavy breathing … not good and spoilt the whole video.

13 – Editing – it will take you at least 4 times longer than you think
Editing is a whole other article (and more), but allow yourself loads of time to do this and try not to promise a particular date to have it ready. After all, you’re a friend doing it, not a professional.