Bad Pickup Lines

Here is a collection of truly awful and funny ‘bad’ pick up lines:

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Where you born on a farm? Because you can certainly raise a cock

I wanna disappear inside of you like a Tampon.

If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

Do you have any Mexican in you …  no? You want some?

Are you wearing space pants? Because your ass is outta this world!!

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Let’s get a pizza and fuck. What, you don’t like pizza?

You don’t sweat much for a fat lass, do you?

Your daddy must have been a baker, ’cause you’ve got a nice set of buns

I just moved you to the top of my “To Do List.”

If you don’t go home with me tonight you’re a fucking idiot.

If I flip this coin what do you think my chances are of getting head

Hey baby my name’s Pinocchio! Wanna sit on my face while I tell you lies?

3 more beers and you’ll look pretty.

Just a quicky? The doctors say I’ll be dead by Tuesday

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.

Before we start: I don’t have an STD, it’s psoriasis

Nice shoes…wanna fuck?

Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face!

Well here I am! What were your other two wishes?

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Call me Mr Flinstone, I can make your bedrock”

You Caribbean? Because with that walk Jamaican me crazy

If you were a bogey, I’d pick you first

Wanna come to my party? The one in my pants

I hope your pussy don’t smell like your attitude!

Do you like jewellery? Will have a suck on this, its a real gem

There are 213 bones in a human body, would you like another?

I lost my teddy, can I sleep with you?

I lost my number, can I have yours?

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together

If I was a squirrel and you were a squirrel, could I put my nuts in your hole?

I heard you got diabetes & I wanna inject you in the bum

I’ve heard you are looking for a good FUCK tonight, I’ve got FCK, all I need is U

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Jake McMillan

To LOL or not to LOL that is the question

Come on, how often do you actually laugh out loud in an IM chat? I know some are against the use of ‘lol’ completely, but I think it is okay to use if you are genuinely laughing, but what I hate is the liberal use of lol when no laughing has taken place at all.

Many people use lol when someone has written something only mildly amusing and it’s just not right! Don’t even get me started on lmao (laughing my ass off) and the ridiculous rotfl (rolling on the floor laughing) … I mean, if you’re rolling on the floor laughing, how are you typing?!

The trouble has arisen because people are not aware of the alternatives that can be used instead of lol when you are not actually laughing out loud. If you’re not already aware, then this is what you should be using:

tsf – that’s so funny

tf – that’s funny

ss – slightly smiling

and their opposites:

nf – not funny

snf – so not funny

So please use them and only use lol when you are actually laughing otherwise the lol will become even more meaningless.

Jake McMillan